In America, your Jewish family does not care who you marry as long s/he's Jewish. I can assest that from my family, especially my grandmother, though no one's really said it explicitly. It's an unspoken understanding.
Since reconciling with my Jewish identity, I knew that I wanted to marry a Jew- 100% kosher, not necessarily by the Orthodox/haredi laws.
In Israel, it's a common practice that you should marry/date someone of your "race." If you're an Ashkenazi, you marry an Ashkenazi. If you're a Mizrahi (North Africa/Middle East/Sephardic), you marry another Mizrahi. If you're haredi, you marry a haredi. There's no just "Jew." Here, I'm not just a Jew, I'm an Ashkenazi. And therefore, I draw other Ashkenazi men's attention. I went on a date with a half-Ashkenazi and half Mizrahi and he never called me back (can't be the only reason though- no worries). Of course, inter-marriages do happen anyway but only common as interracial marriages in America.
Oy....vey. I thought dating in America would be difficult because of all the races and religions. I am discovering that Israel isn't easy either. Also there's a point that 95% of American Jewry is Ashkenazi so I guess we just don't think about "other" Jews. Meeting the Mizrahim in Haifa was my first time and the Ethiopians for security guards...
Donna Rosenthal's book, The Israelis, brought all of this to my attention. It was one of the books that was being presented in my AJ-IJ class. The students began presenting it last Thursday and they never got to finish because there was so much to tell about it. I bought the book on Friday and haven't stopped reading it since. I've put off my Hebrew and internship work because this book is so fascinating. Israel is much more multi-cultural than people perceive it to be. There are many different groups:
1) Ashkenazim
2) Mizrahim
3) Russians
4) Ethiopians
5) Haredim
6) Orthodox
7) Non-Orthodox
8) Muslims
9) Christians
10) Druze
11) Bedouins
My head totally spun when the students wrote down these names on the board.
One of the major issues that each group that she interviewed was defining who's an "Israeli." Apparently, one student pointed out that the very basic requirement is to be living in Israel. I wanted to add that it seems like those who claim to be "Israeli" consider themselves as supporters of the State of Israel. The State's existence is much more fragile than any other country- I don't think anyone deserves an Israeli citizenship and passport unless they do support Israel- I would not mind telling off an haredi or anyone who did not serve in the Army that people gave up 2-3 years of their lives to fight for the borders and to protect them from danger. Who says that studying the Torah and praying is just as worthy as serving in the Army? This is a very common backlash by the Israelis when they encounter the Muslims and the haredim and I do think that they have the right to argue that.
For me, sure, I would accept the government's view of me as an Israeli if I was given the citizenship privileges but I would not feel "Israeli" until I can behave and talk like one. Israelis are notorious for being blunt and straightforward. They don't say "perhaps" or "maybe" in their rheotric- they just say "You're wrong!" or "No! There's another way to do this!" Their brain gears never stop working- always improvising and looking for alternatives. Even when it comes to driving. They are also impatient- that's why they cut in line. The Russians notice that- people in Soviet Union used to cut in lines because they feared that there would be no more food. In Israel, people don't want to wait. You argue until you get your way.
I did today- I decided to take a cab down to Emek Refarim to visit an oleh. Usually the cab fare is around 35 sheklim- he probably would've charged a bit higher because of the rush hour. But I stood my ground and say 25 sheklim. I don't mind being rude to strangers and officials and what nots but it's much more difficult when it comes to connecting personally. Sometimes it does get exhausting and bit overwhelming! I usually walk away in slight shock and hitting my forehand as in "Goodness!" My class did touch upon this topic and I have talked about this quite a few times with my American friends. They're much less forgiving about the Israeli attitude of being argumentive. I almost asked the class if anyone had their families in shock when they saw their child pushing a bit. I would like to think that they were- I am sure that my family was too. I've always been asked to take care of the cabs and the restaurant bills (if there were difficulties) not only because I already live in Israel and understand how things work, but because I am much more assertive and not afraid to shout. Zev and I worked together pretty well with me taking care of getting the attention and him talking in Hebrew- we complemented each other.
Donna Rosenthal also touched upon homosexuality, prostitution, drugs, high-tech, security, and dating/sexuality. Though it is not an academic book, it is just well done with tons of research evidently done. She basically cracked the code in understanding the Israelis.
This book certainly is helping me with my seminar paper for my AJ-IJ class where I'm focusing on whether my generation is "Are We One?" And I am going on a shabbaton trip with the Israelis and some Rothberg students up to the Galilee this weekend. Should be exciting!!!!
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