Thursday, August 23, 2007

Virtual Reality Becomes Real

Imagine that you're casually playing a game like the Sims or one of those Doom games where you're controlling your characters so that nobody dies except for the enemy. You're safe on your couch because if your characters end up dead, you're still alive and can start over and try again. It's all stimulation without risk, creating a perfect life, a perfect war.

Now, try to visualize yourself being warped into the television or computer screen and find yourself as the character that you were just controlling a minute ago. The controller's fallen on the floor, leaving no one but yourself to guide you through the challenges. Suddenly, you're actually in danger because your enemy could kill you and you'll never be able to go back on the couch that you were just sitting on. Now you have to think for yourself and defend for yourself. There is no offense this time. The only way you'll go back to that world is if you can fight and win this survival of wits game. Because once you've figured out how to make the world 100% safe and peaceful, then, well, the virtual reality becomes a dream come true.

My point is that once you've had an opportunity to live in a country like Israel, you realize that you've been wearing rose-colored glasses in America. Israel teaches you the appreciation of the soldiers (and to look at them as just regular people on military duty, not just sex toys for the birthright participants), the purpose of sacrifcing your privacy and keeping your cellphone glued to you, and the importance of being prepared and assessing risks. Listening to families and friends debate and discuss the Army and Israel's past, present, and future opens up your eyes of what it means to protect and to defend the state. America is like playing a stimulation game- you imagine what could potentially happen but your chances of being in danger are zero. Israel, on the other hand, sucks you into its game. Instead of thumbing the controller to direct your character to keep it alive between crazy Israeli drivers and religious fanatics throwing rocks, you are the character, controlling your own destiny by avoiding such unforeseen obstacles. You try to read other people's faces and wonder what they are. You learn to put some faith in your cab drivers, bus drivers, restaurant security guys, and countless other people so you can live to see another day. You also try to make no mistakes. Decisions are made in a snap without regard for consequences that the people around you will face such as finding an empty bag in front of a train door and calling on the security, without really thinking that you're going to make yourself and hundreds of others late for 20 minutes. In New York City, the slogan, "If You See Something, Then Say Something," is everywhere. To me, now, that's totally common sense! Americans don't like to take their time or take responsbility for others' safety.

Several moments that recently happened that made me realize how much my perspective has changed in terms of war and security.

Case #1:

My brother announced that he wants to join the Navy and do the ROTC in order to come out as an officer. We had a spirited debate in the car on the way home from Buffalo over his choices and rationalizations. I argued with him that he’s being a coward for not wanting to join the Army or the Marines and not to face the danger while he would sit on the boat. I also pointed out what was the purpose if he would not be fighting on the defense? What good would it be for him? He retorted that he is not looking for death and he just likes to work around on boats. He’s pretty much filled with Navy propaganda. I do support the idea of him serving the country but not in this way.

Prior to Israel, I thought anyone who joined the US military was an idiot for wanting to serve under President Bush. Why would anyone want to risk being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan? One of Mom’s friends, Leslie, has a son in the ROTC Marines- a nice Jewish boy who is a Republican. Typical as moms are, they thought it’d be nice for us to meet. I did meet him eventually when he joined in for dinner with all of us together. I shook my head, “Nice Jewish boy but a staunch Republican who wants to be in Iraq? I don’t think so.” Now, I realize that it doesn't matter who your commander-in-chief is when you serve because they're all half-idiots anyway but you want to serve because you want to protect and to defend the borders and security. Israelis have to serve in the Army and they pretty much search for reasons why they have to wake up everyday while serving in the Army. For many, it's the Zionist ideology. For some, it's revenge. A few will say democracy. Whatever kind of personal motivational thinking they need to get through.

Case #2:
I found a rental DVD from Blockbuster- Letters of Iwo Jima and I was excited to watch it. I loved Clint Eastwood’s movies- he’s such a good director. Anyway, I found myself watching the movie with a new perspective. I had not seen a war movie since January when I rented Pearl Harbor. Even though the movie was scripted on Japanese perspective as it spoke quite a bit about what it meant to die with honor and for the country and anti-American sentiments, my thought process changed. Suddenly, the planning sessions and battles scenes seemed more than just lines. The characters were taking real risks, assessing their resources and their soldiers, and figuring out what they could and could not sacrifice. The soldiers complained about how the islands meant nothing to them but later the officers revealed that the only purpose of occupying these islands was to protect the mainland. Basically, I felt greater empathy for what was going on. I was really intrigued by their perspective on the Americans- one of the commanders had “studied” the Americans in Los Angeles for a bit. It all felt a bit too familiar.


Case #3:
I also read a cover story in TIME (July 30) about how to pull out of Iraq safely. I thought for a moment, based what I understand from Israeli and American military histories and the discussions surrounding the Second Lebanon War, the Gaza/West Bank pullout, and the talks with Syria over Golan Heights. I also considered the Islamic political attitudes.
These two recent episodes brought on my reflections of Israel. I read the article actively, mulling, commenting, and asking questions in my head as I went along. In my conclusion, he seemed pretty close to what I thought should happen next. I felt that in comparison to other Iraq articles in American media, this was quite sensible and realistic. The troops cannot pull out in six weeks, it would take months. The timing had to be right. There had to be a certain sense of trust. Somehow, I felt that the journalist was trying to mirror Israel’s Gaza pullout and lessons learned from there.

Since coming back from Israel, I am amazed how my attitude towards the military, the politics, and Iraq has changed. I still don’t support the war itself but the soldiers certainly are not at fault. There has to be a certain way to handle the Middle East situation and the Bush administration and the US military do not understand how this is a different type of war. They are against very difficult culture and ideology that you cannot match. This is not a primitive society. Though it is oppressive in some ways, it is how they have ruled for centuries and it saw success. The influence is too large to manage. Their definition of honor is not the same as ours. Basically, from what I saw in Israel, democracy and Western ideals and values and Islam do not go hand-in-hand. Basically, trying to change the system over there the way President Bush wants is like asking someone to undergo a surgery to change his or her race. It’s impossible and unrealistic.



Bottom line is don't see Israel as playing Zelda or Sonic, but see what it means to be on the defense. Look from the others' perspective and how they view their ideology, strategy, and lifestyle and pit those against your own. Compromise or leave alone? Either way works, depending on the scenario. Can you be willing to make a regular habit of showing your bag or calling on the security when you see a suspicious person and sacrifice a few seconds of your freedom for thousands of other people? If yes to this, then you are on the defense. I am doing this because I strongly believe in Israel's existence and the strength and reputation of America. When you are on the defense, you kind of realize why you're protecting your life. You want to exist for a reason and you'll take measures that will ensure your survival to see the reason fulfilled, or continues to do so.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Snapshots of Memories

I spent 3 days putting together a photo essay Powerpoint slideshow of my time in Israel. I felt very wistful at first while selecting pictures and looking at the people I've met and places I've been to.

When it came to pick out songs- "Yerushalyim Shel Zahav" (Jerusalem of Gold) and listening to Ofra Haza's singing, I almost cried. The song went along so well with the Jerusalem portion. The song's just so beautiful- I don't know why I never listened to it before now. It just fits Jerusalem so well, especially how it's going along with the slides. When I hear the song, I think about the camera swooping down to different parts of the city and the streets, showing Jerusalem's beauty. I've come to appreciate Jerusalem over the last few months as a very special place that maintained its sparkle over all these centuries under different rules. It may have been conquered by the Americans, the black hats, and the Muslims in the past few years, but if you just take away all the conflicts and just close your eyes and imagine that Jerusalem is at your feet as I could do on Shabbats when I was in the center. Then it's possible to paint and to define Jerusalem as your own, however you'd like it to be. Somehow you just find a way to make it your own place, your Jerusalem.

For me, I saw so much of Jerusalem and I saw its history everyday and in everything that I did. For example, my bus rides and Shabbat isolation on Mount Scopus reminded me that Jerusalem was once divided and how the Jordanians took control of this part and that Hebrew University was isolated for years. When I walked down Emek Refaim, I looked at the bulletin boards and saw unusually more advertisements in English to remind me that this was an Anglo-Saxon area and many British and Americans settled here. The Knesset spoke of running public transportation on Shabbat but I know that it will never, ever happen in Jerusalem. The Old City had endless number of alleyways just waiting for people to draw the map of them in their heads. The mountainside to the north of Jerusalem, filled with trees and pine needles, demonstrates to the visitors that Jerusalem was only history, archeaology, and architecture. Despite hearing English on the streets, Jerusalemites showed patience in listening to my Hebrew. The promixity to the Dome of the Rock and the Western Wall was enough to make me smile when I walk to the main campus at Hebrew University, how many people can truly claim to walk by it everyday? The only thing that Jerusalem could not do for me as well as the rest of Israel: Revealing the Israeli society in its true form.

I was just watching Desperate Housewives and Susan chose one man over another, figuring that she'd keep his promise to the one who proposed to her for marriage. When she came to him after hearing a voice message on her answering machine from the other guy, the fiance decided to leave her. He said to her that he loves her but cannot live with her when she has that faraway look because then he'll wonder if she's thinking about the other guy. He knew that she loved both of them but really thought that she loved the other guy just a bit more. He left her and called off the engagement. I understood right there that if someone's going to always have that distant look, that person isn't going to make it go away until she gets there. I didn't blame her at all.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Face-To-Face at Last

While I was in Israel, my parents didn't like to discuss sensitive topics over the phone or AIM even though we both knew that it'd be weeks before they could be brought up again. They kept saying, "Let's wait until you get home and we'll talk."

Thing is, things change so quickly. Things are so volatile in Israel. I could be having a certain feeling for one thing in one moment to something completely different in the next week. I could not always wait to discuss anything with my parents because of their approach so very often I had to figure things out on my own. That wasn't an easy thing to do in Israel as Nate Bach liked to point out that I seek approval. I didn't like to move on with my life without looking back and seeing if it's okay with my loved ones that I would be doing this or that. I learned slowly to stand up for myself and try to walk forward with my head held high. The thing was that Israel forced me to be in this position because the culture and society were very different from America and it took a lot of explaining to my parents why this would work or not. In a way, it did make this job of being independent easier because I knew Israel better than they did and I had to be the one to trust, not anyone else. To be able to do that would be a measure of how much I can trust myself that I'm doing the right thing.

When Dad looked at me in the eyes last night at the table, asking when I'd take my GREs, I told him that I hadn't signed up yet. He said that there was no way in hell I would go to Israel without a "plan." Additionally, he mentioned that he would not support me in Israel, only in the United States. I responded that I don't expect him or Mom to support me in my post-grad life financially. He meant graduate school. I shrugged and explained a bit of the benefits that a olah get upon making aliyah such as little government income each month and free education.

I was shocked by his tone and attitude as I always expected him to support me that I ended up feeling very hurt by this sudden change.

I explained to Mom later that it would be the point of my trip back to Israel in January (if it works out)- establishing more contacts and talking to people about job opportunities and really figuring out where I'd like to live.

I have always tried to encourage open dialogue and communication between myself and my parents because this is a hot-button topic and it needs to be discussed on regular basis... otherwise this kind of scenario would happen, ultimately hurting everyone. I have learned from Allie and Sylvie in terms of dealing with parents. What I have learned from them that it's important to keep an open dialogue, even if the parents don't support it. The child will always be their child. Parents like to see their children to be happy even if the child's actions makes them feel sad. It's not their life. Additionally, keep in mind that I am beginning to enter in my last year of college and our relationship will change because the leash will have to come off soon and what parent is ready for that? I think with my brother's situation and my post-grad desires, it's a double whammy for them.

Sometimes love hurts but that's tough love. Sometimes people have to suffer it to seek happiness and self-fulfillment. But who's really giving tough love here?

Monday, August 6, 2007

Snapshots of Culture Shock

1. Realizing that I must behave courteously and with proper to flight attendants in order to change my seat from window to aisle instead of staring down and arguing for my seat The self-restrain was painful.

2. The security chaos in Newark at 6:30 AM, filled with business travelers, how you must move quickly through the line in comparsion to Ben-Gurion, where things are more laidback.

3. iPhone.

4. Instant smile and friendliness at the DMV, yes even the Israelis can make the DMV people seem much nicer.

5. Skeptical of the branch manager at Bank of America's sincere apologies for the breakdown in customer service operation when I was trying to get a new check card. I wanted to get up and walk out so fast in protest as in "I don't need to deal with this kind of crap." Instead, I sat there, nodding and putting on a fake smile, still restrained and couldn't wait to yell outside

6. Nicole Richie's 4 months pregnant?

7. Hesitation about what to listen to during workout- something about Israel, an interview with Nicole Richie, or listen to my iPod... eventually choosing Israel, its safety is more important than celebrities.

8. On the same note, getting offended and fired up when I watched a Christian home shopping network showing headlines from J-Post and talking about a World War III and that only Tony Blair can save Middle East from erupting. that there would be some kind of divine revelation... All that crap just made me furious and in denial that the IDF can do whatever needs to be done to save Israel from the hands of the fundamentalists. I was in serious conviction that the Army will take care of things.... you know? That as long it's there, Israel will be fine

9. Lots of ice cream flavors- including a new one by Ben and Jerry's- Cinnamon Buns (cinnamon ice cream with cinnamon and cinnaomon bun dough)

10 Real discomfort during a visit/dinner at the new country club that my parents joined They kept praising how nice the groudns and buildings and the pool were. In the meantime, I felt really apathetic. The beautiful homes around Jerusalem and Casearea were fancy enough for me but this country club and the American lifestyle were too much for me. Just don't expect me to take it all for granted- it's just there for my enjoyment if I want to use it.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

FYE: Last Cab Story

I just remembered as I was talking with my parents on Wednesday night that I had forgotten to tell you one more episode of my experience with the cab drivers.

It was Monday and I was heading back towards my apartment from King George Street. Since I was in a rush to get back, I had to flag down a cab instead of taking the bus (well, I was running low on money by that point...) . A family hailed one before I did and I waited to see if their bargain worked out. It didn't so I went over there and spoke to the driver in Hebrew for Har Hatzofim for 25 shekelim. He heard the place but not quite the money even though I repeated it again as he motioned for me to get in the back. I hopped in and he asked exactly where- up to the university? I nodded, then he starts panicking a bit for the other family to come in. I turned around and motioned for the girl to come over and she asked her mother and her mother shook her head. The driver and I shrugged and we made our way.

As we crossed Jaffa and up the street...
Driver: Where do you want to go at the university?
Me: Kfar Ha'Studentim, the student village....
Driver: (raises his three fingers) Thirty.
Me: What?! No, no, no I said I wanted 25!
Driver: Thirty.
There was a moment of tense silence between the two of us because I wanted to get out of the cab to show protest but I couldn't as it was illegal for a cab driver to change the prices, and the cab driver wanted to see if I would get out of the cab anyway
Me: Do you want a report?
Driver: Huh?
Me: What's your number so I can write you down?
Driver: I just wanted 30... wait, where do you want me to go? (We had approached the intersection, one street taking us through Mea Shearim, and the other along the north wall of the Old City)
Me: Oh, just go to the right!!!!
Driver: What about the meter? 30 shekelim or the meter?
Me: Fine, fine, use the meter. I'm telling you that the meter will not go to 30 shekels if you go through this way. I've done it and it's going to be under 30.
(The driver turns on the meter and we were silence for a few minutes, driving past the New Gate and the Damsacus Gate, into East Jerusalem, passing through American Colony, then we approach a round-about)
Driver: (Shuts off the meter)
Me: (Gets upset) What the hell are you doing?!?!!
Driver: I'm telling you, if I go around this, it's going to be more than 30 shekels so I'm trying to save you some money.
Me: I don't care! You're supposed to use the meter the whole way. I can't believe you did that! (Thinking, wow, what an asshole)
Driver: 30 shekels and I'm going up this way and...
Me: Very smart. All other cab drivers go this way too! You're not the only one!
Driver: Really, this little road?
Me: Uh, yeahh and I'm telling you that I originally asked for 25 shekels before I got in the cab and you didn't listen to me.
(The driver shuts up and we make our way up to the university, I actually felt a bit worn down and definitely pissed off that I'd asked him to just drop me off once we got to the campus, and I'd just walk up the apartments)
Driver: Where from here?
Me: Around to the left and straight ahead...
(By this point, I was feeling nervous that I was not going to win this battle because he seemed so determined so all I could do was to get a piece of paper and a pen out of my purse, ready to write down his number once I got out. Finally, we arrived in front of the security gate)
Driver: 3o shekels (raising up 3 fingers)
Me: No... I don't think so. I asked for 25 (handed him 50 shekel bill, sat very still with my eyes trained on his hands, creating a sense of determination with my hand clutching on the paper and pen, this lasted for about 15 seconds)
Driver: (Slowly handed me a 20 shekel bill)
Me: And.... where's the 5?
Driver: (His mouth curled up to sly smile of both frustration and admiration, and reached for a 5 shekel coin and puts it on my hand)
Me: Thank you very much. (The driver nods)

You can bet that when I approach the door of my building, I yelled out in frustration.