You Know You've Been in Israel for Too Long When...
1) You don't mind paying $4 for a coffee drink but cringe over the produce prices in the US.
2) ) You consider buying Naot or Teva... and buy 'em. They have no purpose in the US, especially in cities.
3) You don't follow a trend. You're own trendsetter.
4) You can count more than the number of fingers on your hand of people you know who are in the Army and you know their ranks and what they basically did.
5) You ignore the soldiers everywhere.
6) You ignore the security and if you have to pay attention, you don't bother smiling.
7) Your American friends are astonished when you post a Facebook profile picture of yourself in a bikini.
8) You'll swim out a little "too" far out than the lifeguards' liking and you insist that it's perfectly safe because you've done it in Tel Aviv.
9) You're not shocked by the teenagers playing hooky in June. Kids really work too hard. Kids should be kids.
10) You insist dating men 3+ years older than you because they're more mature.
11) You detest the haredim and blame them for all the society's troubles.
12) You plan your wedding in Cyprus or elsewhere, just not in Israel.
13) You're not shocked by the massive amount of food on the table, including 100 falafels, several big bowls of hummus, pitas stacked high...
14) Who needs peanut butter? Hummus is your best friend. It's healthier anyway.
15) You order cappuccino on your first coffee run back in the US because the lattes at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts are actually too sweet! Hold off the frapps.
16) You stop eating Hershey's or Ghiradelli's because nothing beats Max Brenner's and other Israeli chocolates.
17) You schedule days off on every Jewish holiday, even ones that are not observed by American Jews such as Lag B'Omer, Shavout, Purim... because it's a national holiday in Israel! Then you realize that they eat up your vacation times.
18) You light Shabbat candles and say the kaddish and bless the challah out of tradition, not because you believe in Shabbat.
19) You actually like hiking.
20) You tailgate other drivers and communicate through a code of honking.
21) You purposely take side streets in hopes of getting to your destination faster than a bunch of stoplights ahead that could potentially delay you.
22) You're not bothered that you have to block someone else's parking spot because there is just no where else to park. Let them deal with it.
23) Your car's got some dents. And you hope that your insurance company doesn't find out.. really it's just a bump...
24) You get all excited to learn a foreign language off the television.
25) You call birthright Israel trips "Taglit"
26) You yell in order to win your arguments.
27) You push, shove, or cut your way to the front of the line. Time's a-wasting.
28) There's no such thing as the best PM in the history of Israel. Government is practically irrelevant until it does something right.
29) You want to join the Army because it's the thing to do to defend your country against the Arabs, not because the Torah says so.
30) Otherwise, you'll just send your children to the Army to fulfill your duty.
31) Your children's names won't be Hebrew. They'll be Israeli.
32) You consider voting the next US presidential election on the basis of whether the candidate supports the existence of the State of Israel or not, regardless of his other proposals.
33) You don't use a mop to clean the floors.
34) You don't give up an argument.
35) You mourn with the rest of the country on Yom Ha'Zikron even though you don't know any of the fallen soldiers personally.
36) You don't talk of the "fallen soldiers."
37) You long for Marizpan's chocolate rugalechim over anything else.
38) You're shocked on how tasteless non-kosher meat is. Or how "creamy' hummus is in America.
39) You don't miss the taste of pork or shellfish.
40) You debate over who has the best hummus, falafel and schwarma of all Israel.
41) Your kitchen is never without produce, hummus, pitas, Israeli salad, cheese, and yogurt. And chocolate.
42) Sleeping out in the desert or on the beach is not weird. In fact, if there's no rain predicted for the next 3 months, there's nothing to worry.
43) You avoid the beach between 12 to 3 PM. You actually do!
44) Kibbutzim is not really the same as told in the old stories of Israel.
45) You're not surprised that your high-tech job interview is at a kibbutz.
46) You moan about the black hats takeover in Jerusalem and driving up the housing prices.
47) Learning Hebrew is not painful. Only painful when the time spent in classroom is reduced to one hour a week instead of 10-20 hours a week.
48) You have to remind yourself every so often of the '67 war, the last greatest Israeli war.
49) You confront everyone. You make sure no one questions your actions. They have to come up with something concrete otherwise there's no room for assumptions.
50) You rush through everything- traffic, airport lines, in the shuk, etc.
51) You can actually name all the Prime Ministers and rank them in order by national popularity, starting with... Ehud Olmert and Golda Meier as the worst. Menechem Begin is currently the most favored but the blame goes to Sharon for '82 fiasco.
52) You're playing Jewish Geography game 24/7
53) You're considering a visit to the Department of Interior to get that aliyah form and changing your return flight to say... Christmas or next summer.
54) You forget very basic English words because you've replaced them with Hebrew in perfect Israeli accent.
55) You actually schedule time in your day/night to haggle with cab drivers because it takes at least three cabs before someone gives up.
56) You calculate your travel time in the hours leading up to Shabbat to figure out if you can make the last buses back without getting stranded.
57) Cats are the real pests.
58) What cat urine?
59) You don't mind standing up on the bus the entire trip even though you're paying the same fare as those sitting down.
60) You drink espresso only.
61) You forget to say "please" and "Thank you."
62) You treat the food dishes as if they're communal by placing your own fork and fingers in them to serve yourself instead of the serving utensil.
63) You turn up your nose at all the luxury in the US- for goodness sake, who really needs all that?
64) Strikes don't shock you. In fact, you consider joining in because democracy is really precious.
65) You yearn to be part of that kind of majority.
66) Whether you actually like it or not, your Jewish identity has become bit more nationalistic.
67) Your grandmother lost her title "The Jewish Mother."
68) Israel is HOME. Not your parents house.
69) That said, you make sure to spend any free time lasting longer than 2 weeks in Israel.
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