While I was in Israel, my parents didn't like to discuss sensitive topics over the phone or AIM even though we both knew that it'd be weeks before they could be brought up again. They kept saying, "Let's wait until you get home and we'll talk."
Thing is, things change so quickly. Things are so volatile in Israel. I could be having a certain feeling for one thing in one moment to something completely different in the next week. I could not always wait to discuss anything with my parents because of their approach so very often I had to figure things out on my own. That wasn't an easy thing to do in Israel as Nate Bach liked to point out that I seek approval. I didn't like to move on with my life without looking back and seeing if it's okay with my loved ones that I would be doing this or that. I learned slowly to stand up for myself and try to walk forward with my head held high. The thing was that Israel forced me to be in this position because the culture and society were very different from America and it took a lot of explaining to my parents why this would work or not. In a way, it did make this job of being independent easier because I knew Israel better than they did and I had to be the one to trust, not anyone else. To be able to do that would be a measure of how much I can trust myself that I'm doing the right thing.
When Dad looked at me in the eyes last night at the table, asking when I'd take my GREs, I told him that I hadn't signed up yet. He said that there was no way in hell I would go to Israel without a "plan." Additionally, he mentioned that he would not support me in Israel, only in the United States. I responded that I don't expect him or Mom to support me in my post-grad life financially. He meant graduate school. I shrugged and explained a bit of the benefits that a olah get upon making aliyah such as little government income each month and free education.
I was shocked by his tone and attitude as I always expected him to support me that I ended up feeling very hurt by this sudden change.
I explained to Mom later that it would be the point of my trip back to Israel in January (if it works out)- establishing more contacts and talking to people about job opportunities and really figuring out where I'd like to live.
I have always tried to encourage open dialogue and communication between myself and my parents because this is a hot-button topic and it needs to be discussed on regular basis... otherwise this kind of scenario would happen, ultimately hurting everyone. I have learned from Allie and Sylvie in terms of dealing with parents. What I have learned from them that it's important to keep an open dialogue, even if the parents don't support it. The child will always be their child. Parents like to see their children to be happy even if the child's actions makes them feel sad. It's not their life. Additionally, keep in mind that I am beginning to enter in my last year of college and our relationship will change because the leash will have to come off soon and what parent is ready for that? I think with my brother's situation and my post-grad desires, it's a double whammy for them.
Sometimes love hurts but that's tough love. Sometimes people have to suffer it to seek happiness and self-fulfillment. But who's really giving tough love here?
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