Independence Day?

Maybe it's because I'm in Israel. Maybe it's because I've been here for so long that I've forgotten the American spirit. Maybe it's because of what I saw on Yom Hatzamaut in Israel. In any way, I felt really apathetic towards attempting to celebrate the Fourth with the Americans here. Not that I know of any parties anyway. But I mean just hanging with them and reflect on the Fourth and imagining the fireworks. I think it's appropraite now to talk about what I saw back in April during the Israeli Memorial and Independence Days.

It's very difficult to describe in words on how I felt and what I saw which is why I wrote that poem. Unlike America, there is a real appreciation for the military and freedom. I am not saying that America does not care- we just take our power, freedom, and democracy for granted. I wanted to cry in pain and in joy with the Israelis. The emotional atmosphere on Memorial Day was so intense that I truly felt that I had lost close friends even though I didn't know anyone who was killed personally. When I watched the fallen soldiers' families take the wreath from two female Israeli soldiers and place it behind the flag against a small stone wall, I grieved with the families. I could barely pay any attention to the speeches, even a short one by a rabbi officer describing what the day meant to him. My mind kept focusing on the soldier and how they helped to defend Israel from harm. I imagined the guys who I dated, who were in combat, in their service and how they get through each and every day. And they were all in the Second Lebanon War. Seeing any young Israeli made me smile and thankful.

Now, even though Independence Day in Israel isn't truly that much more different than in America except there was greater excitement and every town and city had street parties. The only advantage of being in America for its Independence Day was the fireworks. Even though the fireworks in Jerusalem sucked, it was very well worth being out there, dancing, and laughing with everyone. It was the sudden change between the two days that truly made being in Israel for its own Memorial and Independence DAy much more meaningful and special. I relish on emotional rush and that what they were all about.

Now with the American Independence Day today, I felt nothing. I knew that if I was working in DC, I'd take a half day yesterday and definitely have the day off today. I'd probably be at my uncle's house for the day, going to the pool with the kids and having a BBQ somewhere. Then we'd find fireworks somewhere. The major difference in approaching the American and Israeli independence days is that America's based on historical tradition. Yes, we have been independent for 221 years but we're taking it for granted now. America is so powerful that no one can conquer us and make us a colony again. We remember our Founding Fathers, the Declaration of Independence, the Revolution, and the flag. But what makes Israeli independence day more special is that Israel is still fighting to maintain its independence. Yes, the Israelis remember May 15, 1948, David Ben-Gurion's proclamation speech, and the UN recognition of Israel as a State. But, threat was and is not far- it's coming from Israel's neighbors. Most of the Israelis fought for Israel's independence since 1948, even those who did not fight in the '48 war. When they are/were in the service, it's their job. Believe it that Israelis do remember their service to protect the country.

So that's one aspect, from my personal experience in Israel, of why I feel apathetic towards attempting to celebrate the American Independence. Why celebrate it when I'm living in a country that really needs support to maintain its independence?

There is another aspect and that's nothing new to my regular readers (you know who you are). I've become so distant from America- the only material connection I have with it these days is my English. When I got the crosswords from my hometown's local paper today in the mail, I was beyond happiness to see something other than political and military news in my hands (Mom didn't exactly cut out the crosswords, just sent me pages with them). I also got my TIME magazine. Yes, there are more important things to think about than Hollywood celebrities, how to make a Japanese bento box for lunch, Dear Abby columns, and the comics in Israel. I think there is something to be said to the Israelis why Americans are obsessed with this junk- we don't like to think about bad stuff. We like to be optimistic and dreamers. For me, it is important to stay current even though the Israeli media is quite sensational (I have told Zev not to believe anything unless that piece of news runs for several days). I always check the hard news before moving to the talking articles. Israelis are more realistic and don't want to mess around because any mistake in the government can cost Israel's freedom. The country is too vulnerable to relax. Anyway, I do now feel very far away from America. It is so hard for me to imagine going back to my life because I have changed so much more than I expected. I will definitely need a lot of patience and support as I attempt to make my transition back to the States. I'll probably moan at the prices of the produce but plop down $3 for iced coffee anyway.

As my AJ-IJ professor says, once a Diaspora Jew becomes so involved in Israel and has to deal with his or her identity with the home country, it's so easy to feel very lost. That's how I feel right now. I'm sort of glad that the friends I've made over the semester are moving away from my life for the time being so I can have these last few weeks to sort out my feelings. Sure, making aliyah seems like the easiest solution but that's just like running away from the problem. I have to recouncile with myself first and that is to return to America and try to adapt there.

Do I miss my family? Yes but not to the extent where I would feel homesick (though I was for a few days beginning of June when everyone was leaving the program). I have Skype, e-mail, and telephone to hear their voices and see any new pictures (I expect some NJ shore pictures, Mom and Dad!!!). But there is one person who I've missed all semester, in the past 6 1/2 months and that is my cousin, Ella. Even though there is a huge age difference between us, we are so close. I was always there for her since I laid my eyes on her when she was barely two weeks old nearly twelve years ago. Now she is away at camp for the first time this summer and just finished elementary school and will move up to midlde school in the fall. In any way, there's nothing like cuddling, laughing, talking, and playing with her. We always tease our parents upon separating that one of us would replace with her brother so we'd go home together. We hate to let each other go. I cannot wait to see her at all.