Last Days in Berlin

My last day in Berlin was wonderful. I really got to walk around a lot. First, I took the Bahn to Potsdam and walked all the way down to southwestern part of Berlin to visit KaWeDe, the fancy German department store that had an entire floor devoted to gourmet food, including a huge chocolate section. I took the S-Bahn back up to Potsdam Plaza and walked around its Christmas marketplace where I had bratwurst and saw Europe's "largest man-made sledding hill." It looked liked a lot of fun! But I had no one to watch my stuff and I didn't trust anyone. Then I wanted to see Reichstag or the Soviet Memorial.... I couldn't find the Soviet Memorial and I figured that I had already seen Reichstag there was no need... Berlin is really very walking friendly actually. I just hopped on the Bahn just to cut some time so I went from Potsdam down to near Checkpoint Charlie. By the way, remains of the Berlin Wall still exist around the city and often there'll be some German "soldier" giving a brief history of the Wall for tourist attraction. They even will stamp your passport with the old stamp but I didn't take up the offer... I didn't want to make the US immigration officials question my passport. From Checkpoint Charlie, I walked another 10ish minutes to the Jewish Museum where I could run into Lena and anyone else tagging along with her (I was supposed to meet back at the hotel but I had no time).

What struck me when I saw the Jewish Museum was two buildings standing next to or attached to each other, very different in architectural styles. One was a beautiful yellow colonial Victorian style mansion and the other was extremely modern black thing. I went inside. I was struck by the interior architecture of the "new" part of the Museum with its 3 axis- Holocaust, Diaspora, and one other that I forgot... that connect Jews together in modern Jewish history. The rest of the museum was solely focused on educating the public the important contributions that Jews made to the national German history starting back in 1600s with a brief overview of the ancient times. I recognized a lot of names and events from my Early Modern Jewish history (thanks Prof. Schwartz!) and felt a bit like an idiot for not appreciating these characters more when I took the class. I gave 5 eurocent to a machine that converted it to a Moses Mendelssohn coin. He's the most famous German-Jewish philosopher who questioned Judaism and advocated for assimilation but discussed the issue of the loss of Jewish identity. Many historians see him as the "father of Modern Jewish history" or the "Father of Reform Judaism." To me, he did hold some responsibility for encouraging assimilation instead of striving to balance Judaism and the national identity. Anyway, the exhibitions bored me a little because I knew so much of the stuff in general but thought it was a terrific resource for anyone wanting to know more about German Jewish history. They barely covered the Holocaust.

Afterward, those who I met up with the Museum and I took a bus out to Dr. Pruin's apartment for a reception of tea and some German sweets. Note to Mom and Dad: she made all of us take off our shoes in the hallway!!! It was the first and last time that we congregated as a group to discuss our opinions and feelings about the trip. (I was kind of wondering if Dr. Pruin picked up some kind of cue from Lena that we Americans like to talk about our feelings and give opinions.) Everyone certainly had something to add. My friend, Hilary, made a point about why I just felt so content when I visited Terezin last year. She mentioned that her visit to Poland and Auschwitz last spring made her feel uncomfortable with the Holocaust and coming to Germany allowed her to reconcile her feelings towards the Holocaust. For me, I came to terms with the Holocaust long time ago- when I worked for the USHMM, not because I wanted to but because my job demanded it. I shared my opinions how it would've been a bit easier to explore Berlin on the first day because it's not easy for American Jews to come to Germany and it wasn't really until our free time on Wednesday night did I start to feel at home in Germany because I had the opportunity to see Berlin up close in person, not some face out of the window on a bus. Other than that, I highly recommend this trip for any American Jew as a "must-do" trip along with birthright Israel because coming to Germany really allowed many of us to confront with the impact of Jews in Germany, how much Germany needs Jews, and the Jewish issues in larger perspective such as the Russian Jews in the Diaspora and how can American Jews use its power to restore Jewish communities in Germany. There was a sense of purpose there to promote Germany as the home of modern Jewish history and the privilege of being there and given the chance to revive Germany's great Jewish culture.

I really came to terms with the German language. For a long time, I knew that I needed to study German but I went towards Russian because I wasn't emotionally ready to deal with German. After my internships at the USHMM and watching the Nazi films, I just couldn't do it. I also didn't have enough time in school to take German. I was going to do it last summer but again, I wasn't ready for German. I thought about it for this fall after Professor Bankier told me that it would be very hard to get a job with a Holocaust museum without German but with senior thesis and grad school applications, I wouldn't be able to put 100% effort in German. All still, I wasn't emotionally ready. I was too uncomfortable to hear "harsh" German and I trembled seeing the German text. Berlin gave me a whole new perspective on German- it seemed like maybe I can handle German. It's not that difficult.... but being around the language 24/7 was encouraging because German is not really spoken all that harsh- it's actually very soft (which is why German accents are hot!). I'll think about it.

After reception, we went to an amazing Greek restaurant where I had my first taste of lamb in FOREVER- probably since Spain last January! It was SOOOOOO cold out that I couldn't wait to head home!

My flight back to Rochester was horrendous. We had a 5 hour delay in Berlin to London because of very heavy fog. Half of the passengers had connections in London so naturally we were all concerned. British Airways did a wonderful job of handling us. Fortunately there was wireless in the Berlin airport (which by the way there is no central security area, each gate has its own passport control, security, waiting area, cafe, WCs, and duty-free store) so I got on the Internet and talked with my dad (7:30 AM in EST!). When we boarded the plane, British Airways gave us a nice snack bag with water bottles. I was SO exhausted that I just clunked out when I sat down and remained so for the next 3ish hours. When we took off for London, British Airways gave us dinner of sandwiches- sweet! I was tired still so I fell asleep for another hour.... Then once I got off the plane in London, I jogged through the security, had to wait for the stupid terminal transfer buses (45 minutes connection. good god!), and ran up through Terminal 3. A lot of flights had been delayed or cancelled and I just mostly wanted to find a JFK flight. Dad had mentioned that the 8 PM US Airways flight was the last one so I ran over to look for its gate. After talking with the people, I was placed on a lonnnnnggggg stand-by list of like 15ish people. The woman had doubts on whether I'd even get on or not. Once I got the stand-by ticket, I decided to use the bathroom. Not thinking there was one already in the gate waiting area, I went out the main hall and one of the guys from the gate stopped me and ask to hold my passport while I used the bathroom. Sheesh, some security! Fortunately, a lot of us on the stand-by got on the flight because so many flights were delayed. Yay!!! Then I realized that I needed to know what time my Jetblue would leave. So I asked a person near me in the plane- turned out that this plane would land 5 minutes after Jetblue's scheduled departure time. I quickly formulated a Plan B- just call Dad and ask for Amtrak schedule figuring if there was a train at 1 AM or 2 AM, I'd still get home sooner than if I waited until the morning at JFK. On the way over Atlantic, I spent a lot of time sleeping.... I was THAT exhausted from that trip! Once I landed at JFK, Dad called me to tell me that Jetblue had been delayed. I said fine and see what time. JFK was experiencing so much air traffic (thanks to some weather troubles in Chicago) that a lot of Jetblue flights were delayed at least 4 hours. So I barely missed the 8:25 PM flight that'd take off ar 12:48 AM. So I stuck around in the terminal, away from the furnace in the middle area. I found such an amusing sight- a family of four was sound asleep between rows of chairs! My cell was low on battery so I couldn't turn on its alarm clock so I could snooze. My flight was to be delayed until 3 AM but we actually didn't take off until 3:30 AM. I had originally told my parents to forget trying to pick me up because to pick me up at 3:30, 4 AM was not a good idea. Once I heard that we'd land at 4:30ish, I thought that it'd be more humane hour for my mom who gets up at 5:30 for her spin class. I met her in Rochester a little after 5 AM after sleeping on the plane all the way over there. First thing when she and I went into my room that I wanted to do was to shower! I was so wide-awake, having gained full night's sleep in intervals since Berlin. Mom thought I was crazy and I should go to sleep. I showered anyway... and went to bed because there was nothing better to do for another 2 or 3 hours.

For the next 3 days, my brain felt so fried that I couldn't absorb anything, not even meaningless tv shows or cartoons. I had never felt so strange in my life and even when I saw my final grades, I felt nothing (except happiness that I had passed Stats with a C!). I just ..... didn't want to do anything.

Brandenburg and Shabbat

Today we got up to make an hour trip out to Brandenberg, a small town outside Berlin of about 80,000 people and a fair number of Russian Jews living here. It's actually very beautiful with much of the architecture which survived both world wars which was impressive.

Brandenberg's significance for this trip was that it used to house a mental hospital and it was where T4 cell was developed by the Nazis. It was primarily active in late 1930's and 1940 and many people did not know what was going on inside because records were very hidden. The doctors would write letters of sympathy to families and friends of the victims that their procedure or whatever didn't work out and the medical staff failed to save them. The mental patients came from all different backgrounds- children and adults, and Jews and gentiles.

First, we visited the Museum which a Russian gave us a tour explaining the history of Brandenberg from the Prussian empire. He was really nice. Second, we took the bus out to the former site of the mental hospital. We saw the barracks that used to house the SS and the spaces where the hospital used to be. The T4 cells still stood- the walls only reached about a foot off the ground as to give the perimeter of the site. Otherwise, there was nothing, no evidence. Archaeological digs had been conducted and they found lots and lots of human bones that were buried underground. Even the files were destroyed and the government and historians have had to construct what happened from eyewitness testimonies and archaeological excavations.

Personally, I was more struck by the town's charm than the site itself. If anything, it didn't impact me as much. If this was supposed to be comparable to Terezin, then I'd say that Terezin had stronger effect because really, no one lives in Terezin and it was truly taken over by the Nazis. People still live in Brandenberg and well, you just know that life goes on and trying to rebuild the community.

We had a bagel lunch and listened to our Brandenberg guide who was German and not Jewish give a talk in German while Jasper translated. Again, we found ourselves in "lost-in-translation" position and lost concentration. So I never really learned much about the Russian community.

Before we left Brandenberg, we visited the old Jewish cemetery. The first thing I noticed was that the ground was flat with a bunch of dirt mounts which obviously meant burial sites. The Nazis razed the cemetery and converted the area into a soccer field! So after they left, the Jewish cemetery was restored through a building of a wall that listed all the buried and it's really beautiful. Along one side was a fence that was supposed to resemble an old Jewish town with cut-outs of houses and shops. We recited the kaddish and put stones on the wall. The cemetery dated back to mid-1850s... so it was pretty old.

Once we arrived back in Berlin, I made most of the short time I had to visit the Dom (Cathedral). It was just stunning! Compared to the cathedrals that I visited in Spain, I felt much more welcomed. Maybe it was the choir singing when I walked in. Or it's just that the Protestant church never really kicked out the Jews as harshly as the Catholic church during the Inquisition. Anyway, it's mostly beautiful wood and marble inside. The Dom took on the Gothic look. I sat there to listen for a bit and then climbed up to the gallery. After that, I saw some people coming down from some stairs so curiosity took over. I found myself climbing a total of 277 steps from the first floor all the way up to the dome that took visitors outside!!! So I had the most spectacular view of Berlin at twilight. I could see the clock tower, the ferris wheel, various buildings lighting up....

I climbed back down and tried to get out. Apparently, you couldn't get out in the same way you came in so I jokingly told myself that the Christians were trying to trap the Jews for religious reasons. Anyhow, I found the exit but it took a long, long time. The path took me to a very interesting room: the gravesite. I sighed when I saw it because I figured it had to be all priests and bishops, right? Then I saw two royal crowns on a coffin each and wondered if maybe a king was here.... So I stopped and started reading the plaques. I found Frederick Wheilhem II!!! That was SO cool to see parts of the royal family there.

I quickly made my way back- I realized how I was actually getting to know my way around Berlin. I know some people might think it's strange that I'd go out by myself but why let anything hold me back?

For Shabbat, some of us went to the New Synagogue for services and it was just okay. We had a bit of hard time following the services even though it was all in Hebrew (except for some sermon on Jacob in German). We managed to meet a couple of people afterwards to find out what was like to live as a Jew in Germany. One man was born in Germany to American parents who came because of music. A woman was there from Haifa, Israel who moved to Berlin over 30 years ago. She still spoke with a very, very heavy Israeli accent. Hila, one of the girls in my group, spoke in Hebrew with her to find out her story. Her husband found a job in music in Berlin and moved and she followed. They have their children in Israel. She said that the community's very close knit that many Jews feel comfortable being in Germany.

For dinner, we went to a delicious Israeli restaurant with falafels! And the best eggplant "parm" I've ever had. We did the Shabbat rituals in the restaurant (I think we pretty much had the place to ourselves) so that was enough even though the wine was unforgivable awful. I spent a lot of time making conversations with Jonah about being Jewish, relationship to Israel, and growing up on upper West Side in NYC. It was then that I found out that Second Avenue deli would be re-opening! I was so excited!

Half the people went out. I was just beyond exhaustion and I just wanted to get up in the morning to explore my last day in Berlin.... not enough hours in the way to see this amazing city!

German-Jewish Relations

Wow, what a day.... we met with four different speakers on various issues.

We began with a post-breakfast talk with the director of the Neue Synagogue, Dr. Hermann Simon, and a Foreign Ministry representative (very cute). We talked a lot about the Jewish community in Berlin and in Germany in general. Dr. Simon described the Jewish community and the challenges it's facing especially with the young Jews and the "Russian-speaking Jews" (PC term, really). Some people took the opportunity to speak more about the German-Jewish foreign relations in regards to Israel. We also discussed the problems of integration among the Russians.

Second, we went to the AJC Berlin office and met with the executive director, Deidre Berger, who was just amazing. The AJC office is located right on Potsdam Platz and it overlooks the exact spot where Hitler committed suicide. Kind of weird and it was certainly a no-man's land for a long, long time so all the buildings around it were very, very modern (and ugly). Anyway, the director told us a little history of AJC Berlin and its role in European Jewish relations and discussed the importance of Germany as an ally to the Jewish people. She also talked about identities. She used to work as a foreign correspondent and in NPR Washington before taking a position with AJC in 1984 when she decided to move to Germany. Ms. Berger noticed that many of us were in international relations or political science and of course, Jewish Studies and she acknowledged that. We must learn German and Arabic as future leaders of the Jewish world. Eh, what about Hebrew? :-) So anyway, she emphasized democracy in the view of AJC and within the German politics and that it's one of AJC's goals- to promote democracy. I'll tell you that when she talked about it, I was wondering if I was taking democracy for granted because as someone pointed out later that there are so many shades of democracy and everyone has their own definition. For me, it's freedom of speech. For others, it could mean something else like the right to vote or participate in the government or whatever.

After her speech, almost every hand went up! So she took a few questions at time and wrote them down and then answered them. Someone asked about AJC's role in helping to shape the curriculum in German schools (which are NOT centralized and each school has its own curriculum not like in the US). He wanted to know if it's trying to work on really integrating Jewish history within German history. She said, of course, they recognized that only just couple years ago and are working on it. Some people asked about the political attitude among the Germans towards Israel. The Germans still call the Jews "co-citizens" and some other name to really single them out and AJC is working on to eliminate those terms as to help the Jews to feel even more integrated into the German society. I asked her about how, as American Jews with such varied interests and our own definition of our Jewish identity, can she expect us to be the next generation of leaders? How can we keep our identity from getting in the way of our work? She said that nothing's ever too personal and no American Jew should hide his or her feelings and views and that's what makes her a bit sad about the majority of American Jews who just don't think about it. Overall, it was a very successful visit.

We had pretty bad lunch- they served us these huge portions of noodle kugl with basically nothing except for some crumble of feta cheese. Needless to say, I didn't even really eat much of it and went for the Mediterranean platter instead.

After lunch, we walked down to Kruezberg, which is a very ethnic neighborhood filled with Turkish Muslims. Our guide, Wafaa, was a Palestinian. I think the whole room went very silent when she talked about her Palestinian background. Her parents had lived in Palestine and then became refugees after the establishment of Israel and escaped to Lebanon and then to Germany in 1970s. So she pretty much grew up in Germany all of her life. I must admit that when I first saw her, I knew that she could not be German or Jewish but when she opened her mouth to talk, I recognized the Middle East/Arabic accent (which strangely was a comfort to me as it reminded me of Israel). So anyway, she talked about the Muslim community, mostly Turkish. She was just incredibly open with everything that for a minute there, I thought, "TMI." Nevertheless, her attitude came from her parents who just basically accepted everything and was generally more secular than the Arabs that I've seen in Israel. Afterward, she took us on a little tour of Kreuzberg which is basically Turkish and then walked us to the Merkaz Mosque. By the way, in the entrance to Kreuzberg, there's a big sign in transliteration from Arabic-"Merkaz Kreuzberg." When I first saw it, I thought, what is a Hebrew word doing here? So anyway, she pointed out a couple of shops and explained that a lot of young people like to hang out in the area because it's really the only place in Berlin just to hang out. That's a good point- even though it's cold, I don't see anyone hanging out anywhere in Berlin. She also pointed out a couple of places where Muslim men could be "in closet" in terms of alcohol.

Then we walked down to Merkaz Mosque. Berlin has over 70 mosques and they're all in the backyards of different buildings. We saw the finished outer construction of the newest mosque, the first to be seen from the street. It's going to be very beautiful. She took us inside and then we took off our shoes and sat in a circle on the prayer carpet. I had never, ever been inside a mosque so it was all new to me. The first thing she pointed out after putting on her haji was the design of the rugs that are specially made for mosques. There's a "praying spot" where the person kneels down on and the design was architectural with columns separating each person with a point towards a certain direction- to Mecca (oh, someone asked why they allow pointed to one direction... wow, so naive). That was very cool. Then we asked a couple of pretty hard questions for her because she was a Muslim and a Palestinian. We did step away from the Israeli-Palestinian issues and just focused on learning more about her identity in Germany. She identified herself as a German Palestinian. We tried to bring up a bit about the Holocaust because of the prevalent Holocaust denial among the Muslim communities. She responded that she didn't believe in that denial.... it was tough for her. It was also something else for her to grow up with the Germans and learning about the Holocaust even though it had no connection with her. Otherwise, we really enjoyed her.

After the tour, we met with Aycan Demirel, the director of Kreuzberg Initiative Aganist Antisemitism. He only spoke in German, Turkish, and Arabic so our guides had to translate for us . It was a bit frustrating because of the lapses. So anyway, he talked about its mission to track anti-Zionist sentiments in Arabic countries and how that filters to Germany. The people watch for anything in the media so that they can ban it in Germany. He showed us one Turkish paper that compared Bush to Hitler and a couple of other things. It program mostly works on education for the migrants as to help them connect with the Holocaust as they tend to be quite ignorant of it. Apparently, they do support Israel to a certain degree as it's not anti-Israel. The program has a lot of trouble securing funds and grants to promote it further and enhance it, especially from the community. Many people are quite negative to it.

Finally, we had dinner with Dr. Jeffrey Peck, professor of Georgetown, to talk to us about Jewish-German history. Since we covered a lot in the past few days, he just promoted the summer program on studying just that and the current German-Jewish community in terms of relating to their identities and the rest of Germany. We took the opportunity, since Dr. Pruin was there also, to ask questions about the church-state relationship and American Jews in their relation with Germany.

Oh, we ate in an Israeli restaurant so in the back, there was a mini-market with Israeli products. imagine my joy when I saw that chocolate cake loaf! But for 4,5 euros when it was like 12 sheklim? I think I can wait.

Holocaust in Germany

Today was all about the Holocaust.

First, we visited the Wannasee Villa where the Final Solution was implemented in January 1942. The place was renovated into a museum so there wasn't really a feeling of obvious eerie of actually being there. But when I looked out to the lake behind the house, I felt real chills as I looked behind me to see a diagram of the SS men. The historian, who guided us, gave us a lecture on the Wannasee Conference right in the same room as these men agreed on the Final Solution to the Jewish Question. Then we moved to other exhibitions (it was essentially a small, focused Holocaust museum on the Nazis' plans to kill the Jews). He talked about the death and concentrations camps and the mass killings and played a couple of eyewitness testimonies. Obviously, you shouldn't surprised to konw that I wasn't at least surprised by some of the questions that other kids asked that were just a little obvious to me ("why so many camps are located in Poland? Not Germany?" or "Oh, I didn't know that there were so many Jews in Poland!") Lena asked the historian how he got started on this Holocaust thing. He said that he didn't hear much about it for a very long time and then just sort of dove into it and did his community service at Yad Vashem. Afterward, I asked him if he knew anyone at Yad Vashem that I had worked with- it was over 10 years ago. Oh well.

Lena asked how I liked this particular museum knowing that I had experiences with Yad Vashem and USHMM. I told her that I keep an open mind when I visit different countries because their experiences were different and I'm no judge to do that. I mean, now I realize the museums in the US and Israel have their own purposes and how they want to portray themselves. For example, the USHMM is far more of a very American museum with its universal theme whereas Yad Vashem is very, very Jewish. This one was outright honest that it even included some facts and pictures I had never seen before (ex: the gorges at Babi Yar). Lena said that many of the Eastern European countries have only begun to open up their Holocaust memorials and museums and they're just very honest about it and it's just new to the public.

We went to Track 17 memorial. I think this was my most emotional moment so far with the Holocaust. There's a short stretch of tracks that used to hold trains that'd stop to pick up Berlin Jews. Obviously, this was separated from the regular tracks that the Metro (or "meeeeeetro" as the Germans say) travel on. Along the tracks on both sides is a section of metal strip that had the date of pick-up, number of Jews, Berlin to _____. I noticed that many of them went to Theresienstadt, which where I was last February, with only exactly 100 Jews from 1941 to 1942 and parts of 1943 and 1944 (obviously the numbers declined by then). I decided to count how many deportations to Theresienstadt took place.... I only was able to count one side and honestly, after counting 60 strips of different places, it just a bit overwhelming that there wasn't just one or ten large deportations from 1941 to 1945 but over 100 from Berlin alone. Theresienstadt dominated until Auschwitz was built and then the deportations alternated between the two places. The trains also went to Riga, Warsaw, Kovno, Lodz, and a couple of other places. When all of these came together, including the counting aloud, I just felt that loss of all the Jews. I'll say that this is my place in Germany to feel that loss and connection with the Holocaust.

Afterward, we had pasta lunch with the Holocaust survivor. His story was quite interesting. He wanted to create themes as to help relate with the audience and thought he'd be able to do music until he found out that only like 5 of us were involved. So he ticked off places- Germany, China, Israel, or the US. Immediately, I asked him to tell us about China as I explained to him that I had heard many survivors due to my internship experiences at the USHMM but no one ever talked about China. Unfortunately, we had to cut it short as the restaurant was kind of small and people were coming in for lunch. So we finished up his talk on the bus later. He was about 10 when he and his family left Germany for Shanghai which required no visa in 1938. Then they went to some Russian town in very northern part of China. They stayed until 1947 in which they moved to Israel. They also lived in the US afterward because life was too hard in Israel for them to actually want to start over again. It was just not the place to be for them. So when they lived in the US, they lived in south Florida. Finally, the survivor visited Berlin in 1961 just before the Wall was built just to see how he felt about being back in Germany. The family had never really felt at home anywhere so Germany was their last option. So anyway, the survivor went and felt right at home and encouraged his family to follow him in 1963. His parents were ecstatic to be able to speak in their language and be part of their culture. That's their happy ever after-they've been living in Germany since. He still lives in Berlin and doesn't let his memories get to him. He also talked about Israel and the meaning of the War of 1967 as a heroic struggle for the Jews. It was so great to hear him talk about 1967 like that as a survivor.

When we left him, we went to the Holocaust Memorial site that we were supposed to visit yesterday . It was... very, very interesting . We didn't have the time to go "underground" to see the exhibitions. Basically, it looks like a graveyard with lots of stone blocks of different height lined up neatly in rows, taking up an entire block. The ground was uneven. As I went through the walls, (though the architect had no real purpose in his design) I felt as if I was a nervous Jew being crowded by dangers with the ground being uneven as an added effect.

I want to apologize for not posting any pictures on the Holocaust. For me, and as all others should too, it's just disrespectful to take photographs or film videos of memorial sites as it's just not enough to show respect for the murdered. These victims should be visited personally, not showed around the world through artificial means.

Then, we had 4 hours to ourselves to do whatever we wanted to. Some people wanted to sit and have coffee and others wanted to nap a bit. But with my vision, I had to get going if I wanted to see much of Berlin in daylight as I could (it gets dark by 4 PM!!!). It was 3.... So anyway, I went off on my own to walk towards the Brandenberger Tor (Gate). I was able to get up close to different buildings along the way including the Egyptian/Papyrus Museum, the Berlin Dom (Cathedral), the ice skating rink (which I might do on Saturday for a bit!), etc. Finally I got to Brandenberg Gate and just couldn't keep my eyes off it. It's really a majestic thing with that Christmas tree for an added effect in front of it. I picked up some Starbucks latte (most expensive I've ever bought in my entire life for 5.5 euros) and just stood there, sipping, while looking at the Tor. If I had a peace spot, this is it. I have a special spot in every city that I spend time in where I can just look and spend time alone with my thoughts. I think that the Brandenberger Gate is different for me- it's not about the Holocaust or the Jews. Its majesty and historical symbolism strike me as something that anything's possible and life can be beautiful. This was where the first part of the Berlin Wall was torn down.... All of my thoughts about the Holocaust earlier today just disappeared and I was able to relax and just enjoy being in Germany.

Then I walked back in the opposite direction, trying to head for the hotel. Of course, I saw a big, big building for the VW dealership so no surprise that I'd go in for my brother. There wasn't anything to get for him except for a 18,000 euro Polo.... too expensive for a 18th birthday present!

Tonight, the group and I went to a classical concert playing Christmas music. It was very, very nice. We all liked it and were impressed by the European style orchestra hall. It's so regal- it's better to be here than in the Lincoln Center in the US. The music was beautiful and the maestro was so graceful in his hands movements. Being jetlagged for the second time, I snoozed for a bit though I could hear the music playing through my brain (never got any REM).

Afterwards, we all went out to an Italian restaurant for late-night munchies and drinks. It was so fun!

The Cold War, AJC, Holocaust

The Reichstag Sees River

We went on a 3 hour bus tour around Berlin this morning with a very nice (and good-looking) guide. He showed us much more of Berlin than I expected. The streets and cityscape reminded me more of DC than any place I've been to. It's very flat with wide open streets that go straight and curve around with several circles. I kept looking out to see if perhaps one of these days I could go for a nice run without getting killed in this constant traffic. The traffic wasn't too bad. The guide pointed out all the important government buildings including the Reichstag.

We made our first stop at a monument dedicated to... oh, I forgot. There wasn't a sign nearby in English to stick in my visual memory.

Then we visited the Berlin Wall! It was totally different from what I expected. I thought the wall would be really, really high in a way it'd be impossible to escape. It wasn't that high, maybe only 10 feet of stone and tightly wounded barbed wire along the top. There was an outdoor museum for the area called Topography of Terror. The reason why it's outdoor is because nobody got the project moving or completed even though it was started way back in early 1990s after the Wall came down. The reason for the name of "Topography of Terror" was that the buildings around it was essentially the heart of the Reich. This was where Himmler, Heyreich, and their assistants held their jobs. This was where the SS Police used to be. It's a bit chilling to see those former Nazi white buildings still standing by. I can't even imagine what it must be like to work in the exact same rooms as these men.

This is one of the many, many plaques placed on the perimeter of the inner wall around West Berlin. You can actually follow them by foot.

Nearby was "Checkpoint Charlie," the major Allied checkpoint mainly for foreigners and Allied security forces. The significance of this was that it was the official separation of East and West Berlin. We made a pit stop there and I ended up using all of my time there looking for an ATM machine which was literally inside an outside wall... ugh. (For some reason, my mind kept thinking about Israel where there were Change places everywhere for changing cash!).

The tour guide gave us a history lesson of the Soviet rule in East Berlin and East Germany. Essentially, the life was exactly the same as living in the Soviet Union whether you're in Moscow or Volgagrad. Germans couldn't trust anyone as spies just were everywhere. When the Russians and German police finally declassified the files- the Germans were shocked to know that they each had a file on them filled with comments from their families and friends. Lena knew somebody who lost his mother shortly after he read his file and saw negative comments from his mother and just couldn't be there with her when she passed away. I'll mention, from my Russian history class, that honestly, the Russians (as I assume probably same goes for Germans under this rule) did not trust anyone except for their closest and bestest friends, they didn't trust their families.

Afterward, we continued our journey around Berlin. This picture is Bebeplatz- one of the many plazas around Berlin. There is a small ice skating rink on the left. I noticed that the rented ice skates looked far more like rollerblades- only with metal blades along the bottom of the sole.

This site had a dark fact- this was here the book-burning was held during Nazi regime.

When the tour ended, we got going to Dr. Pruin's seminar on Jewish and Christian texts... some theology class. I was so jetlagged that I only half-listened to people explaining Christian holidays and Jewish holidays. I'll mention that these Germans had never spent any time with Jews- they knew one or two acquaintances but never an actual conversation. So they asked us quite a few questions about Judaism, including how culture and religion mixed. We explained that it's far more complicated than that. Growing up in a Christian country, I don't think any of us had any questions about the meanings behind these Christian holidays. I interjected a few times to explain how some of the Jewish holidays were celebrated in Israel because it's just quite fascinating that way like unless you were in Israel, you wouldn't have thought of visiting a kibbutz for Shavuot. One German mentioned (though the professor disagreed and I think many of the Americans would too) that these Christian holidays don't emphasize communal gathering the way Jewish holidays encourage. Of course, I didn't get to explain anything only probably because I'm not Modern Orthodox and didn't study the Torah. Whatever, this was a theology class and these people could explain the Torah better than me. I think at the end, Judaism took over the discussion as we didn't even make it to Christmas and the Germans were far too curious.

Afterward, we had a very, very late lunch with the executive director of AJC, David Harris. He was visiting Germany on travel and just "happened" to be in Berlin at the same time. He brought along some of his fellows who were traveling the world with him. I've met him before and interestingly, the CJU gang (Hilary, me, Sean, Ross) all ended up sitting in front of him. He eventually remembered all of us from spring 2006 when he helped to start the campus society at Colgate. (Grandma, Berlin is seriously filled with vegetarian restaurants if you know where to look!) I was so, so, so jetlagged that my head kept rolling around as I struggle to keep one eye open that Hilary had to tap my arm to wake up. (Embarrassing enough to be doing it in front of David Harris!). I think part of it was that so much of the conversation was on the Holocaust. People kept asking questions in a way that Harris had to talk about the Holocaust and his relationship to it (his parents were survivors). There was one or two questions about German-Jewish relations and in Poland. I decided to turn the tables around as he brought up AJC's role in integrating Jews from other countries into their new homelands. So I asked him about AJC's role (if any) in helping the Soviet emigrates integrate in the German society and the issues behind it (AJC does not currently have any offices beyond Warsaw in which I was kind of disappointing knowing how important the Russian Jews are). He explained that it was a very, very big issue for everyone in dealing with the Russian Jews. First, it was all about giving them basic needs and now it's about identity crisis. Very few Russian Jews lately have been able to consider themselves German Jews but not yet German. He said that it's a bit like us American Jews. Can we call ourselves Americans? What about Jews living in America? All the many versions of sidestepping the self-labeling issue. It was also a matter of helping these Russian Jews learn more about Judaism as the Soviets promoted "cultural genocide" on the Jews so that many of them have no knowledge of Hebrew or the Torah. So anyway, I'll talk much more about this either on Thursday or Friday when we actually meet the Russian Jews (They really are fascinating)

After this long lunch, we had only about an hour or so of free time. So Jenn (Cornell), Miranda (Harvard), and I went over to the kiosks. It was really cool and absolutely refreshing from all the tough discussions. I know that certain people would be in love with all the little things Christmas. It had beautiful crafts and some treats. There was even one stand that had aristocrat costumes! The area was quite lively and each stand was clearly marked the seller's items. Jenn and I grabbed some meat treats- she got bratwurst and I got currywurst. Lena told me later that after all these years of living in Germany, she still has no clue what the sauce on curreywurst is made of as they don't actually sell it on the shelves. So these "wurst" guys made quite good money for this secret recipe. But my friend, Kevin, who spent quite bit of time in Germany, just told me over Skype that it's just a mixture of ketchup and curry powder. It's just that sauce covering slices of wurst in a little dish. Unfortunately, I don't think the quality of meat between the US and Germany is much different at all since we pretty much import them from Germany anyway (especially in NYC). Miranda got this kind of ball dough thingie...)

I'll say that a lot of things here are VERY expensive. I happened to notice on my way to the bathroom after the Harris lunch that the cigarette vending machine sold cigarettes for 15-35 euros a pack. Thank God I don't have that smoking addiction! I mean, seriously, who would pay that much?! Of all the things, even the kiosks (well not that bad), I haven't seen any kind of steals here. So even with all the Chanukkah money, I still haven't quite found anything worthwhile... besides a couple of shots of vodka.

Anyway, for dinner, we had a guest, Dr. Peter von der Osten-Sacken, who talked about "Germans and the Holocaust." I think by this point, everyone just sort of got the point about the German attitudes towards the Holocaust. Or maybe they thought the Germans just weren't answering their pressing/tough questions about the Holocaust. Also at least half of the people are more interesting in German foreign policy.... So anyway, I asked him about different perspectives on the rescue/bystander issue in different countries and how their Holocaust museums/memorials emphasize certain aspects. Being the perpetrator state, I asked how that issue fit in with the collective memory. In short, he said that the fear was so intense after 1938 that no German could come forward to save the Jews. Today, part of the collective memory and insistence was not just to remember the Jews who perished but also the Germans who feared too much and remained silent about the treatment of the Jews. He kept emphasizing the "silence" which reminds me of the Soviet Union under Stalin. Boy, Hitler and Stalin had a lot in common!

Lena asked me what I liked about Germany so far. I'll admit that it's a tough question because it's a bit of an emotional trip for me that it's hard for me to like it right away like I did with Prague and Israel, being Jewish communities. So I mustered with how I was surprised to hear the soft-spoken German language, not the harsh sounding voices in Nazi and war films. Lena said that German had never been spoken harshly like those films and it's quite common in the film industry to play that up. I told her how it's not as gutteral as I thought which was one of the little reasons why I wasn't compelled to learn German when I had the opportunity in my sophomore year. I'll also say that Germans are quite friendly people even if they're incredibly formal that I can't wait to get back in the rumble-tumble of Israeli life! The young people are pretty cool. The restaurants are very, very chic that Manhattan can't even beat 'em.

Each day, East Berlin wakes up a little, showing me a bit more and more of its contemporary life. Not the emotional and physical ruins of the Soviet rule. But it does make me think about how badly I want to go to Russia and live there for a bit to learn the language. Could I put up with this kind of atmosphere? But if the people can really make their city a nice one despite the past, then it's worth giving it a shot.

It's soooooo cold here- no wind or any precipitation here so it's just COLD! The Princeton Tigers didn't bring warmer coats or boots or hats so they had to shop in their free time. Oy. I'm glad I have everything so I don't have to pay all those euros!

Also I'll say that each activity that we did and as I learned more and more about my peers, I realized what an unique position I am in in understanding the Jewish Diaspora and the effects of it in relation to Israel and vice versa from my experience in Israel. (I believe that I was the only one who spent more than 2 months in Israel) I mean I was not sure how many people would know about the Soviet Jews or the reality of Israeli-Palestinian issues or how to "compare" Darfur to Shoah. I felt clammed up for most part because those things are just so emotional that it's hard to share and get these optimistic/idealistic/naive kids to understand the complexities of this Jewish world. Another thing that David Harris said about his journey in understanding the Holocaust was someone told him that "the more you know, the less you understand." Well for the Holocaust, it happened. What happened, happened. But it's quite true for the Jewish Diaspora though I think I'd paraphrase that statement to "the more facts you have, the more difficult it is to analyze the situation." While it's great to have all the facts, how do you put them together neatly?

Empty Spaces, Diplomacy, Movie with Germans

A long day!

First, Dr. Pruin (who, by the way, has the most amazing German accent!) took us on a walking tour of Jewish Berlin beginning with the site of the first synagogue which was razed, by who else? The Nazis. She began her lecture with explaining the complex German identity. Even though Germany is reunified, people from East and West still don't identify themselves as a nation yet. The 40 years under foreign rule divided the lives of the Germans in a way that neither experienced the other's culture and lifestyle. They both learned history and the story of WWII differently. They even developed some distinction in their German language (sort of like how we use soda vs pop). She emphasized that we should consider each person's perspective based on their location before the Wall came down. So in our group, we had 2 people from each side- Dr. Puin and our AJC rep, Lena, from West Germany and the other two, Melissa and Jasper, from East Germany. It reminded me a bit of all the different Jewish identities in Israel and why Israel still doesn't have a constitution because everyone has their own definition of what it means to an Israeli and a Jew.

Why was her lecture entitled "Empty Spaces, Don't Trust the Grass"? It's one of her main interests to recognize all the empty courtyards and spaces in Berlin where Jewish buildings used to occupy and was never built over again after the war as a sign of respect and memorialization to Jews. They occupied about 35% of Berlin before the war and about 17% of the total German population. So those numbers were quite significant.

During our tour, we saw several memorials dedicated to different aspects of Jewish history. The first synagogue had a memorial dedicated to non-Jewish German women who protested the Nazis' house-arrest of their Jewish husbands (because the Nazis didn't believe in mixed marriages). Some people said that 5 women showed up. Others said 40. Some say hundreds. In any way, the memorial was obviously Jewish with the Lion and Menorah symbols.

The second memorial that Dr. Pruin (with Lena's help) pointed out were the copper memorial stones on the sidewalks. Each stone had a person's name, birthdate, and some other personal information. They were all dedicated to the Holocaust victims. High schools in Germany actually are still raising money to have more of these places. There's a suggestion (even I would've done it anyway) that people shouldn't step on them as a way to respect the victims. They're just all over the place.

Third, we walked by another memorial that happened to be next to Berlin's private Jewish high school. Dr. Pruin used the opportunity to tell a bit about the importance of remembering the vibrant Jewish culture, especially Moses Mendelsohnn. When we walked by the high school, Dr. Pruin asked one of the guys who was hanging out with his friends at the front to come down and say a few words about the German youth and the Holocaust. He was actually an Israeli who had been living in Berlin for 5 years. He talked about the backlash among the German youth towards the Holocaust because it's emphasized in literally every subject except for math and science. His words stuck in our heads for the rest of the day because the idea of a backlash against the Holocaust was so foreign to us because we know how important the Holocaust is in the States. By the way, there was an empty space where a Jewish house used to be and along the walls of the houses next to it were plaques of the Jewish families' names who occupied that house before the Holocaust.

We had lunch and met with a very high official at the German Foreign Ministry. She talked about German-Israeli relations which I kind of zoned out because right then it was hurting too much to talk about Israel with the consideration of a possible postponement of the trip in January. But I did pay attention when some people asked questions....very hard questions about the German relations with Israel, especially in relation to the Holocaust and the Palestinian situation. They also wanted to know about the younger generation and how to maintain that "Israel's Best Friend in Europe" status.

Afterward, we had tea with an Israeli representative from some Council to talk about the Israeli perspective on this conversation of German-Israeli relations. We brought up the backlash effect and he said that they're working on to make sure it wouldn't actually happen and to keep Germany involved with Israel for a long time. I asked about perhaps Israel should emphasize the need for the Germans to recognize the good in Germany's history with the Jews (aka the Jewish Enlightenment) and he agreed but still wanted to put forth the importance of the Holocaust.

Later, we had a light buffet dinner with Dr. Pruin's students and watched Walk on Water (for the sixth time for me). It's so funny with that movie- it's so thought-provoking for me that every time I see it, I recognize something new and react differently. Especially with the Israeli characters, especially Eyal, the main character. Though he's quite pessimistic in his view of the world, he still cared about the same thing that's part of the Israeli culture- the lessons he learned in the Army, and the importance of being with the family (when he asked Pia why would she never want to see her family again in front of the Kotel). When the setting switched to Berlin, I definitely picked up the formality that I had already experienced just hours earlier. Wow, it's so stiff! It was also interesting to watch it with the Germans and other Americans who hadn't seen the movie to see what jokes they laughed at and whether I laughed with them or not- or during scenes where I laughed on my own because I understand from the Israeli perspective that it'd be funny to them. Oh, the cafe was right next to where the Berlin Wall used to be and Europe's busiest plaza before the war! Now, it's pretty much dead.

When we had long discussion afterward, it really irked me. First we talked about the Holocaust. The German students said that no one ever talked about the Holocaust after the war not until 1970s and still don't in their households. It's just something that people don't really talk about so they have to hear it through their schools. One of them, a cultural studies major, mentioned how she never learned about the Jewish culture in Germany before the war until she entered the university. They emphasized why they deal with it- to take responsibility and somehow contribute to make up for the loss. Then the discussion switched over to Darfur. Which really, really made me angry. Dr. Pruin had to keep reminding the Americans that Germany is very "reluctant" to compare their Nazi Holocaust with ANYTHING else in the world or in history (aka Cambodia and Armenia/Turkey). I found that I was almost pretty much the only one who shared with the Germans' views.

Basically I found out that the Americans in my group didn't differentiate genocides and appeared to put Darfur at par with Germany. To them, genocide meant all the same- mass killings of a single population. I certainly learned more about why they supported stopping the civil war in Darfur. Then someone brought up multiple use of the word "holocaust." The Germans were quite silent on this issue and refused to talk about it. I wanted to scream at the Americans for how can they compare anything with the Holocaust in Nazi Germany? So 300,000 people are dead so far in Sudan but we're talking 6 or 11 million people who were gassed and fired into pits in less than four years in Europe. The Nazis had a truly systematic plan to eliminate all Jews and other inferiors in the world so that only the Aryans actually ruled the world with some other people working as serfs. I don't care of it's my "duty" or "obligation" as a Jew to support the cause to save Darfur, I just cannot compare or relate like that. I bet that's why Israel's so quiet on the Darfur issue- it never ever came up in the discussions with the Israelis or in the media (only with the Ravids). When I worked at the US Holocaust Museum, I was shocked that they had an exhibition devoted to the issues and a day-long conference for the interns in the area to learn more about the genocide in Sudan. I remembered after a little, I got a little fed up because I just felt that this issue had no place in the USHMM because it should be limited to the Nazi genocide. Then I asked Peter why all this? He calmly explained that the Museum was supported by the US government and obviously, it should be doing things to please to the US government, even it meant going off subject as to show that the US government and the Museum were aware of the situation. I was still seething about it because if I was the Museum director, I would have said no way. If we're going to "recognize" this genocide, then we should also have exhibits on the Armenian genocide and Cambodia too even if they're finished. There's another factor as to why I don't pay much attention is that it's Africa. It's nearly impossible to solve problems there because the foundation of that civilization is primitive and we've been a modern one for quite several centuries and have no roots to that.

My two cents. And it's just something I'll rant if I'm asked about it or that topic gets brought up in a discussion. Remember, Nazis systematically killed the Jews with technology and science in a short amount of time and wiped out a very important Jewish culture in Europe and changed the world forever for the world and the Jews.

Finally, an Israeli (well, born in the US to Israeli parents) asked about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The Germans had no clue or opinions on it. Again, Dr. Pruin emphasized that the Germans don't see anything beyond the issue of the Holocaust in dealing with the Jews. I asked two Germans what they thought of Pia, a German woman who met an Israeli and moved to a kibbutz in Israel (which is actually realistically impossible because only Jews can get Israeli citizenship). They said that they admire her and said that they would do it if they had to do community service for the government in lieu of military service. Now I can see why she'd be so happy over in Israel without the idea of the Holocaust hanging over her head all the time. I agree, in Israel, there is so much more to think about Jewish history and culture besides the Holocaust. It is not to say that the Germans don't care- it's just all the over-emphasis on the Holocaust.

With all of my understanding thus far, I kept thinking about the "discourse" that Dane and I had last spring that's still on the table. Remember that she mentioned how she wanted to live in Eastern Europe where the Jewish life and modern Jewish history began and see Eastern Europe beyond the Holocaust. That's what the Germans want. But I also can see the complications of trying to overcome that heavy emphasis without "forgetting" the Holocaust. I mean, really, what does Israel really mean in this picture? After today and being in Prague, I am not sure if I'd actually want to live here, even just to learn the German language because of the German youth's attitude towards the Holocaust and what I'm feeling already.

I never realized how sensitive I've become towards all these Israeli issues especially with the terminology. Somehow the word "conflict" in the phrase "Israeli-Arab/Palestinian conflict" doesn't work for me anymore. I mean, the definition is right but but that word just doesn't seem to exist in my vocabulary anymore. I think more in terms of "issues." That's how the Israelis put it. Issues. There are issues to work out. I think that word is better because it's more open-ended and it doesn't suggest that it needs to be resolve whereas when you hear the word "conflict" it's easier to think in tems of war and that needs to be stopped fast and settled right away. The situation is more complicated than that and it will take a long time for anything to come to fruition.

The biggest lesson I learned today was seeing why the Israelis would be so reluctant to deal with these type of hard questions because there is simply no right answer for anything. They're also so personal and conflicted. It doesn't mean that they don't care. It just creates a lot of tension between two people or within a group.

A friend and I noticed that despite what people have told us about Berlin being the hippest city with vibrancy and life, it was actually quite quiet compared to New York or Madrid. Even when we were out at 10ish, the traffic wasn't all that bad. Maybe we're in the wrong area of the city or there really aren't a lot people to occupy the size of Berlin now that the Jews are gone and people wanted to leave East Berlin for West Berlin. Hmmmmm. We'll find out on our bus tour tomorrow then!

Arrival in Berlin

Yikes! When I went on the hotel's computer earlier, the keyboard was German (duh) but the major and annoying difference is that the Y and Z keys are flipped. So when I type "today," it'll come out as "todaz." Don't worry, I eventually asked the desk how to hook up my laptop so I don't have to deal with German keyboards.

My long journey was very uneventful. Heathrow was, a mess, in my opinion, compared to any other airports, in terms of security and flight connections. It took me a good hour and quarter to get to the other side of the security from my arrival plane! You had to take a bus connecting between terminals and the buses actually ran in the same area where the planes were actually sitting on a set route. You really didn't think about how big planes are until you're actually down on the ground. Wow. I saw signs for "Central London in 15 minutes, Trains leave every 15 minutes." There was a great temptation inside me to take a train to London and just walk for about an hour as I didn't have to leave for another good 3 hours. The woman at passport control and another passenger said no way I will make it back in time for a 11 AM flight to Berlin, even if just for an hour. I sighed and followed the rest of the crowd to change terminals. Oh, it would've been awesome! I tell you, the lines for the security in ANY terminal were unbelievable- even worse than in the US. Yet, their video demonstration was much more edgy than the ones in the US. I nearly laughed when I noticed them. Oh, they asked me if my laptop was working and to turn it on after it passed through the x-ray machine. Yes, they also did make me take off my shoes. They really checked every other passenger. It's just insane compared to other European security I've been through (Madrid and Prague which were literally non-existent).

I met a freshman girl from Princeton, Naomi, as we boarded our flight to Berlin from London. She's really cool- she wants to be a history major and is studying Russian. She's going to Russia in the summer with her study group (as a reward for first year Russian). Lucky! So we wound up sitting next to each other on the plane and shared a cab over to our hotel. Her grandpa's a travel photographer and takes pictures of German concentration camps.

The hotel, Hotel Augustinehof, was very nice- 4 stars. I forgot how tiny European hotel beds were! And the shower- so, so, so tiny that you could barely bend down to reach for something and the door opening is like a foot wide. Thank goodness I wasn't paying for this! AJC did leave some yummy German chocolates on our pillows- including a gigantic white chocolate bar. Some people from Colgate were here already- they got here at 10 AM and had the entire day to explore Berlin. Lucky people who paid $2,000 for their direct flight tickets from Newark to Berlin (Only Continental and Delta fly direct otherwise you have to connect through London or Paris).

We ate at Kadima restaurant which was basically dairy. It's attached to the New Synagogue of Berlin. The program director, Dr. Pruin, talked a bit about herself, the mission of the program, and our itinerary. The people involved in "American Jews Meet Germany" program felt that American Jews don't have a good understanding of the complex relations and Jewish identity in Europe, especially in Germany. By bringing American Jews here, they hoped that we will abandon or correct our misconceptions about Germany as a unified state and how the Jews fit in the picture. I had a little bit of a hard time wondering how can American Jews be part of this process when so much of our focus in on Israel. It almost created an additional responsibility for us (American Jews) to be aware of Europe's needs for financial and leadership support. She warned us that it'd be a tough week.

Mmmm we'll see how it all goes., America

Germany!

First- I didn't realize that my last post was the 100th. Very appropriate as it was all about Chanukkah miracles.

I will be bringing my laptop with me to Germany as I'm not planning to bring books to read on the plane because my flights are red-eye so what's the point? Besides, I'm going to be learning some interesting stuff each day that would be too much to write in a journal.

So starting Monday.... get ready to hear all about German-Jewish relations in Germany!

The Miracle of Chanukkah

Imagine this. I'm sitting in a bunch of thesis presentation and I'm listening and watching each student and I visualize how I would look upon there with that current these draft.

Now so good. I would've fallen apart right there because I had no structure in my paper. Then a student talked about the impact of WWII on a small community and then it just kind of hit me as a clue how I might structure my thesis. Before I knew it, I put myself in front of my laptop the next night and typed away. Then I e-mailed my professor after I was halfway through with a new abstract that'd be very different from the old. I ended up re-writing the entire thing and expanding from 32 pages to 41-42 pages. I made a promise to her that by Wednesday, I'd have my stuff together. And by the miracle of Chanukkah, I did it!

I also reflected on my progress and what I was getting out of it and someone on a graduate admissions community online mentioned to talk about my research and what I've accomplished. So I took advantage and re-wrote my statement of purpose essays for NYU and Penn (unfortunately not my Michigan as it already went out). My advisor loved the new draft- thought it was much better and focused.

So as I accomplish my tasks, I feel that miracle that Chanukkah brings. I love this holiday and lighting those candles are so special to me because I think about how we get closer and closer to the spirit of the holiday with each new candle. I know that we're also supposed to get eight little present but the little miracles I'm having these days are more than enough. I don't need to unwrap anything.

Thesis and Grad Schools

My original drafts of my statement of purpose essays started off with my experience in Israel and how seeing the comparative perspective of American Jewish History intrigued me to study this field in graduate school. I spent a lot of time focusing on my relationships with the Israelis and the American Jewish kids at Rothberg. How it was incredible to see such a diverse group of American Jews with different expressions of their Jewish identity that reflected the complexities of American Jewish history.

Then I really thought about the real reason for my interest behind it- what made me so attentive to the details and after an (unsuccessful) interview with Brandeis, it hit me that my professor, Sarah Schmidt, had a huge influence on me with her seminar. I've written about it several times in this blog and I can say that it's really changed my focus for graduate school. I always thought I'd do Holocaust but after doing some work with Professor Bankier at Yad Vashem in an academic setting, not museum, I realized that the Holocaust field is basically dried up, all the sources and ideas are exhausted. It's rather disappointing for me because it's been my "baby" for a long time but it doesn't mean that I can't teach Holocaust in my future job. It's just that there isn't really any new idea out there that'll shake up the academia. So I decided that I want to switch over to American Jewish history which is still relatively small but it's growing to be an exciting field. I doubt that it'll be in a same position as the Holocaust because there are limits- many of the scholars are in the US, not all over the world. Of course, that also creates a problem for me as I look for schools to apply to because there aren't that many professors in this subject. I need an American Jewish history professor, not just an American history professor where I can do Jews on the side.

Nevertheless, the limitations haven't deterred me from applying. I'm actually very positive about the places- Michigan, NYU, and Penn. Everyone recommends me to NYU and that's uh, something and I feel as if they should also say that in their letters if they're writing for me. We'll see how it all goes.

On another note, I did my thesis presentation today. I told my group that the biggest challenge of writing my thesis was overcoming the fact that I got too close to my subjects as a Jew, like I empathized with my sources and not looking at things objecively. Coming back to Israel was very hard for me as a historian because I felt as if my experience turned American Jewish history upside down with the Israeli comparative perspective and I didn't know where to start with my topic. Eventually I just gave up and said that I'd just do a focus on a community that's convinent (Rochester, NY). I discovered through the process how complex American Jewish history is and the kind of sophiscated thinking it requires and heck, I like this. I definitely contribute to my experience in Israel for challenging me to think differently and more broadly.

So it's quite amazing how my experience in Israel changed and affected my decisions in regards to graduate schools.