It took on a different meaning for me this year. I did not understand what this holiday meant to me until I was seventeen when I desperately searched for forgiveness for my tragic car accident. After reciting the prayers and geniunely praying for the first time in my life, I felt renewed, forgiven, and reassured that life will go on.
This year, I felt something else. 95% of my attention was on the Hebrew side of my prayer book. Perhaps a deeper connection with the Torah because I finally understood the language? I used to believe that Hebrew was a dead language and it meant nothing. Now sitting and standing there with my prayer book, the Hebrew script seem so much prevalent to my eyes as if it was suddenly magnified, leaving the English side completely blurred and ignored. To me, it was "Wow! I'm actually reading this and understanding it as if this was a gateway to the Torah and the stories." It's obvious, I know. But you must understand the trauma that I went through as a child. I also paid deep attention to the vocabulary and grammar even though I know it's mostly Biblical Hebrew.
Yom Kippur this year meant forgiveness from Adonai for rejecting Hebrew because I finally explored and studied it and Adonai's offer to me to use the Hebrew version of the prayer book to gain His forgiveness. Israel was my guardian in seeing this because if I wanted to study there, I had to study Hebrew without complaint.
Nevertheless, the heavy immersion in Hebrew in the past two days ripped a couple of stitches off my deep psychological scar that I received from Israel because I missed Israel and its intensity so much. I also had to write a couple of essays for a fellowship about my experience in Israel and that also pulled off a few more. Who knows, maybe I'm depressed. It could explain why I've been so tired ever since I came back and not always waking up refreshed.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Rosh Hashanah
Spending Rosh Hashanah with my family, including Grandma and Zev, was very nice. Instead of going to the services on Friday night, we simply had a nice dinner of brisket from Wegmans (though I thought Mom's was much better). That was the first Rosh Hashanah that I have in my memory that my family skipped the evening services. I was uncomfortable at first because I wanted to get my hands on the Hebrew prayer book and read it in Hebrew, let my new knowledge open up the mystery of the language in there.
The morning services changed my opinion. While I was kind of able to follow the cantorial singing in Hebrew, I had a horrible time placing my finger on the Torah and Haftarah portions in my book. The pronounciation was mostly off and without understanding. Zev and I cringed and muttered the portion to ourselves quietly. I kept looking over to Zev's book to see if he could figure out where we were..half the time...
To hear Americans read and speak in Hebrew really woke me up. I gained a greater respect and appreciation for the Israelis who really do understand the language, even though we're all Jews. The Israelis are special. They deserve a lot of credit... Learning Hebrew takes a lot of patience to do it right. My only wish is that if the Israelis really heard how "well" Americans speak Hebrew, then they would be more willing to work with the Americans on their Hebrew. The rabbis also deserve some credit because they do have to study the Torah, which involves learning the language and being able to chant it right. I also realize the difference in American and Israeli pronounciation, especially with the kaf, rash, and the stresses on the plural form.
Even though Israelis are the native speakers of this old language, does it make them the "experts" on its usage? You could argue that it's an accent thing. Then, well, if they are the native speakers and Hebrew has beens spoken in that land, then isn't Israeli Hebrew the real deal? That any student learning Hebrew, anywhere in the world, should learn Israeli Hebrew? Or should I call it just Hebrew because that's the way to speak it if the Israelis set the standard?
I e-mailed my Hebrew teacher about my experience. She responded that some people might've confused some of the words with Yiddish pronounciation or mostly just the accent. Confusion with Yiddish? Maybe for the old folks!
Nevertheless, I smiled as I read my prayer book, solely in Hebrew, realizing that what I thought was impossible was possible.
When I ran my half-marathon yesterday, the course and the pain that I endured in my full marathon a year ago was much less. Even though I ran faster this time around (9:07 minute/mile compared to 9:47 min/mile), the race itself felt great, effortless and enjoyable. My dad reasoned that he didn't need to see me cross the finish line because it would be an easy race for me compared to my marathon. Though there were challenging times on the course, I thought about what I endured during my marathon- the feeling of hitting 18-21 mile marks, the monotone setting along the water (yes it gets boring after a while), and the constant loneliness and need to monitor my health- all of these were trivial in this half-marathon. It was eerie for me to see the Mile 21 marker when my route merged with the full marathon's because I knew what it took just to get there. A lot of will and drive. And sacrifice.
So use that analogy for my Hebrew learning experience. At first all the learning seems scary but if you hit it hard upfront, no matter how inexperienced you are, you'll gain a lot. All other races will seem quite easy later. The learning becomes more enjoyable because you've endured the toughest test: the intensity of training.
And I think I'm supposed to be studying a bit for my Wednesday's small oral conversational talk in the morning....yikes!
The morning services changed my opinion. While I was kind of able to follow the cantorial singing in Hebrew, I had a horrible time placing my finger on the Torah and Haftarah portions in my book. The pronounciation was mostly off and without understanding. Zev and I cringed and muttered the portion to ourselves quietly. I kept looking over to Zev's book to see if he could figure out where we were..half the time...
To hear Americans read and speak in Hebrew really woke me up. I gained a greater respect and appreciation for the Israelis who really do understand the language, even though we're all Jews. The Israelis are special. They deserve a lot of credit... Learning Hebrew takes a lot of patience to do it right. My only wish is that if the Israelis really heard how "well" Americans speak Hebrew, then they would be more willing to work with the Americans on their Hebrew. The rabbis also deserve some credit because they do have to study the Torah, which involves learning the language and being able to chant it right. I also realize the difference in American and Israeli pronounciation, especially with the kaf, rash, and the stresses on the plural form.
Even though Israelis are the native speakers of this old language, does it make them the "experts" on its usage? You could argue that it's an accent thing. Then, well, if they are the native speakers and Hebrew has beens spoken in that land, then isn't Israeli Hebrew the real deal? That any student learning Hebrew, anywhere in the world, should learn Israeli Hebrew? Or should I call it just Hebrew because that's the way to speak it if the Israelis set the standard?
I e-mailed my Hebrew teacher about my experience. She responded that some people might've confused some of the words with Yiddish pronounciation or mostly just the accent. Confusion with Yiddish? Maybe for the old folks!
Nevertheless, I smiled as I read my prayer book, solely in Hebrew, realizing that what I thought was impossible was possible.
When I ran my half-marathon yesterday, the course and the pain that I endured in my full marathon a year ago was much less. Even though I ran faster this time around (9:07 minute/mile compared to 9:47 min/mile), the race itself felt great, effortless and enjoyable. My dad reasoned that he didn't need to see me cross the finish line because it would be an easy race for me compared to my marathon. Though there were challenging times on the course, I thought about what I endured during my marathon- the feeling of hitting 18-21 mile marks, the monotone setting along the water (yes it gets boring after a while), and the constant loneliness and need to monitor my health- all of these were trivial in this half-marathon. It was eerie for me to see the Mile 21 marker when my route merged with the full marathon's because I knew what it took just to get there. A lot of will and drive. And sacrifice.
So use that analogy for my Hebrew learning experience. At first all the learning seems scary but if you hit it hard upfront, no matter how inexperienced you are, you'll gain a lot. All other races will seem quite easy later. The learning becomes more enjoyable because you've endured the toughest test: the intensity of training.
And I think I'm supposed to be studying a bit for my Wednesday's small oral conversational talk in the morning....yikes!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
War Strategies Done Best Through Personal Experience
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/09/10/iraq.soldiers/index.html
I greeted this piece of news with a sly smile. I really did feel that the Congress and the President are out of touch with the Iraq situation. Screw politics. What about the soldiers? The toll on their mental, emotional, and physical health. Do the politicans understand what it's like to watch where you put your foot down? The sense of danger? Sleeping in uncomfortable beds without air-conditioning or heat? The meaning of family? Realizing that conflicts sometimes cannot be resolve through words alone, that basic human instincts always come first? The answer is no. The Congress and the White House are too busy arguing based on logic and paper, not what actually goes on through observation and personally talking to the troops. While the US Commander Petraeus can generally speak of what's happening, the soldiers really know the best. They're on the grounds, not sitting in a situation room comfortably 8,000 miles away!
Theo only reason why this article provoked reaction from me was that I've been close to home. I know soldiers personally. I've seen army bases from distance. I'm used to seeing guns everywhere. I've seen soldiers carry huge duffels as they return home from their bases on the buses. Military reports made daily headlines- like actual military stuff, not political ideology stuff. Israel rarely uses that kind of demoratic jargon because it knows that what it's doing isn't exactly democratic because it has to sacrifice liberty and freedom to provide security for all. Even the government isn't democratic but it's close as you can get in terms of Middle East politics. Nevertheless, I've said over and over, Israel's realistic about its goals (That's another thing- it doesn't make long term goals). I think if the politicans can experience what's actually going on, the tone might change. The Iraq policy might change. Now I think about it... Israel doesn't throw numbers around or set a lot of benckmarks. (It actually resisted Secretary of State Rice's suggestion for Middle East benchmarks back in the spring) Hmmm.... what does it say about Israel? I suppose that it doesn't like to expect things and be disappointed with incomplete results as evident in history. What about the States? Why does the government like to publish troop numbers and dates and set goals? For media relations? For reassurance? Does it have relevance to its power leverage as the world's superpower?
I think that's your food for thought for today.
I greeted this piece of news with a sly smile. I really did feel that the Congress and the President are out of touch with the Iraq situation. Screw politics. What about the soldiers? The toll on their mental, emotional, and physical health. Do the politicans understand what it's like to watch where you put your foot down? The sense of danger? Sleeping in uncomfortable beds without air-conditioning or heat? The meaning of family? Realizing that conflicts sometimes cannot be resolve through words alone, that basic human instincts always come first? The answer is no. The Congress and the White House are too busy arguing based on logic and paper, not what actually goes on through observation and personally talking to the troops. While the US Commander Petraeus can generally speak of what's happening, the soldiers really know the best. They're on the grounds, not sitting in a situation room comfortably 8,000 miles away!
Theo only reason why this article provoked reaction from me was that I've been close to home. I know soldiers personally. I've seen army bases from distance. I'm used to seeing guns everywhere. I've seen soldiers carry huge duffels as they return home from their bases on the buses. Military reports made daily headlines- like actual military stuff, not political ideology stuff. Israel rarely uses that kind of demoratic jargon because it knows that what it's doing isn't exactly democratic because it has to sacrifice liberty and freedom to provide security for all. Even the government isn't democratic but it's close as you can get in terms of Middle East politics. Nevertheless, I've said over and over, Israel's realistic about its goals (That's another thing- it doesn't make long term goals). I think if the politicans can experience what's actually going on, the tone might change. The Iraq policy might change. Now I think about it... Israel doesn't throw numbers around or set a lot of benckmarks. (It actually resisted Secretary of State Rice's suggestion for Middle East benchmarks back in the spring) Hmmm.... what does it say about Israel? I suppose that it doesn't like to expect things and be disappointed with incomplete results as evident in history. What about the States? Why does the government like to publish troop numbers and dates and set goals? For media relations? For reassurance? Does it have relevance to its power leverage as the world's superpower?
I think that's your food for thought for today.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Priority #5 for America, Priority #20 for Israel- Fashion
First week of classes slammed me in the face for two reasons, which one will be focus of today's entry. First, I actually passed out of first semester Intermediate Hebrew. When the teacher explained how she planned to start the course. She planned to start exactly where I picked up during my summer ulpan course. I was looking to repeat the material for the third time. I knew the book inside and out. Over the course of the week between her, the department chair, and I managed to get an independent study worked out. At first she did not want to do it because she already had a full load but after forgetting about a student who asked her ages ago and observing my skills in class, she decided that I was really too advanced for this class. So starting Wednesdays, I have my own Hebrew class with that student that will focus on a lot of reading and writing. Believe me, on the first day, I really wanted to disappear and just go back to Israel, back to those Hebrew ulpan classes. 50 minutes of Hebrew now is really painless!!!! Barely a slap on the face compared to all the beatings I got during those 25 hours/week ulpan classes. On that pain scale- score 0 for Colgate and 8 for Israel.
Second thing. Fashion.
Picture this:
Mor and I were walking down Fifth Avenue. While she was looking around in amazement by New York City's massive, glitz buildings and soaking in the lod noises from the honking cabs and zipping cars, I was drawn by something else: the STORE NAMES Ralph Lauren. Abercrombie and Fitch. Salvatore Ferragamo. Nine West. Cartier. Tiffany's. Saks Fifth Avenue and the list can go on as long Fifth Avenue and Madison Avenue. When I saw the labels, my mind quickly reeled in the facts behind them- Ralph Lauren is famous for its polo horse and player, its polo shirts are the staples, American designer for the preppy people.... Salvatore Ferragamo is Italian, beautiful, classy shoes, Italian leather.... I looked to Mor and said to her. "You know Israelis don't really care about brand names, right?" She nodded, a bit in puzzelment. "Well, here... Americans care. It's a big thing. We know the story behind each designer on this street. I can tell you everything about each label. We're obsessed. Look, here's Brooks Brothers. That's preppy, American designer, my parents and brother love its clothes... Oh, here's Ferragamo, my mom and I love their shoes, it's Italian." Her eyes widened in surprised at my unnecessary knowledge.
Back in February, I complained about shopping and fashion in Israel and how I was so happy to be going on a shopping spree at H&M in Prague. Over time, I began to recognize how Israel defines its fashion culture: individual style. I went in the stores in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv and saw that many shops would have lines and lines of different clothing that if there was something that you liked but didn't have your size, you were out of luck. Everything's unique there. I have this beautiful dress that I bought on a retail therapy shopping that I know would never be found anywhere else because it was the only dress in that store. Clothing there isn't really mass produced as it is elsewhere- I don't know how or where from. Either way, I had to take my own chances to put together a wardrobe that I liked and would go together well. Additionally, I developed a taste for earrings. I used to dislike wearing them because I'd lose them all the time but they're on the Israelis all the time. So I sort of fell into that trap. By July, I was pretty happy with how I was expressing myself. i was even beginning to lose my taste for my American clothes.
On my first day back at Colgate, I felt that I was missing something when I noticed a lot of girls wearing THE DRESS for this season: jersey knit empire waist, worn as a jumper or with a tank under underneath or/and leggings. Suddenly, I became more aware of the students were dressing including plaid shorts on the guys. Even I seem to fret a bit more in the mornings on what to wear. I was beginning to develop my own sense of style and now I'm not so sure how to blend that in. I really felt out of place. The campus newspaper's fashion columnist criticized the entire campus for being lazy on the first day with lots of casual clothes. I wanted to slap her in the face and tell her to leave everyone alone. She was just in Italy in the spring and I don't blame her for being culturally shocked over how casual we wear. At the same time, let people wear what they're comfortable wearing and not everyone has that THE DRESS. Basically, she was giving out what the first-day-of-class uniform should've been.
Israel's lack of concern in brand-name and relevant prices taught me how to be a better shopper.
For example, I went into American Eagle last week and bought a pair of its jeans on $10 off sale and a navy tank for a total of $50 exactly. Normally, I'd scoot myself over to wherever Lucky's jeans were being sold. I reasoned with myself in American Eagle, well, these jeans fit, they look good, they're only $30. Why should I pay $60 more? I could use that $60 to buy a new wallet to replace my stolen one or to pay off a new pair of pumps.
I like to look good to make myself feel good but i don't want to look good just to get others' approval. That's what Americans are all about- dressing for others. You dress what's acceptable for everyone else. For Colgate, it's anything out of a JCrew, Abercrombie, or Ralph Lauaren Polo catalogue. Memorizing designers names, styles, and prices aren't on the top of the Israelis' mind. They had different priorities and I guess my priorities have changed some too. I still love to shop but I'm not going to obsess over what's in vogue and what's next and how much I should be paying.
Second thing. Fashion.
Picture this:
Mor and I were walking down Fifth Avenue. While she was looking around in amazement by New York City's massive, glitz buildings and soaking in the lod noises from the honking cabs and zipping cars, I was drawn by something else: the STORE NAMES Ralph Lauren. Abercrombie and Fitch. Salvatore Ferragamo. Nine West. Cartier. Tiffany's. Saks Fifth Avenue and the list can go on as long Fifth Avenue and Madison Avenue. When I saw the labels, my mind quickly reeled in the facts behind them- Ralph Lauren is famous for its polo horse and player, its polo shirts are the staples, American designer for the preppy people.... Salvatore Ferragamo is Italian, beautiful, classy shoes, Italian leather.... I looked to Mor and said to her. "You know Israelis don't really care about brand names, right?" She nodded, a bit in puzzelment. "Well, here... Americans care. It's a big thing. We know the story behind each designer on this street. I can tell you everything about each label. We're obsessed. Look, here's Brooks Brothers. That's preppy, American designer, my parents and brother love its clothes... Oh, here's Ferragamo, my mom and I love their shoes, it's Italian." Her eyes widened in surprised at my unnecessary knowledge.
Back in February, I complained about shopping and fashion in Israel and how I was so happy to be going on a shopping spree at H&M in Prague. Over time, I began to recognize how Israel defines its fashion culture: individual style. I went in the stores in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv and saw that many shops would have lines and lines of different clothing that if there was something that you liked but didn't have your size, you were out of luck. Everything's unique there. I have this beautiful dress that I bought on a retail therapy shopping that I know would never be found anywhere else because it was the only dress in that store. Clothing there isn't really mass produced as it is elsewhere- I don't know how or where from. Either way, I had to take my own chances to put together a wardrobe that I liked and would go together well. Additionally, I developed a taste for earrings. I used to dislike wearing them because I'd lose them all the time but they're on the Israelis all the time. So I sort of fell into that trap. By July, I was pretty happy with how I was expressing myself. i was even beginning to lose my taste for my American clothes.
On my first day back at Colgate, I felt that I was missing something when I noticed a lot of girls wearing THE DRESS for this season: jersey knit empire waist, worn as a jumper or with a tank under underneath or/and leggings. Suddenly, I became more aware of the students were dressing including plaid shorts on the guys. Even I seem to fret a bit more in the mornings on what to wear. I was beginning to develop my own sense of style and now I'm not so sure how to blend that in. I really felt out of place. The campus newspaper's fashion columnist criticized the entire campus for being lazy on the first day with lots of casual clothes. I wanted to slap her in the face and tell her to leave everyone alone. She was just in Italy in the spring and I don't blame her for being culturally shocked over how casual we wear. At the same time, let people wear what they're comfortable wearing and not everyone has that THE DRESS. Basically, she was giving out what the first-day-of-class uniform should've been.
Israel's lack of concern in brand-name and relevant prices taught me how to be a better shopper.
For example, I went into American Eagle last week and bought a pair of its jeans on $10 off sale and a navy tank for a total of $50 exactly. Normally, I'd scoot myself over to wherever Lucky's jeans were being sold. I reasoned with myself in American Eagle, well, these jeans fit, they look good, they're only $30. Why should I pay $60 more? I could use that $60 to buy a new wallet to replace my stolen one or to pay off a new pair of pumps.
I like to look good to make myself feel good but i don't want to look good just to get others' approval. That's what Americans are all about- dressing for others. You dress what's acceptable for everyone else. For Colgate, it's anything out of a JCrew, Abercrombie, or Ralph Lauaren Polo catalogue. Memorizing designers names, styles, and prices aren't on the top of the Israelis' mind. They had different priorities and I guess my priorities have changed some too. I still love to shop but I'm not going to obsess over what's in vogue and what's next and how much I should be paying.
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